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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:31 am 
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Faith: Christian
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Name of your church: Freeman Methodist
My wife and I have been married for barely 6 months and already am begining to feel we are not compatible. She denies me sex and any time I raise the topic she rather accuses me of being selfish. Am I being selfish for asking for sex twice a week? It's been almost two months of ''starving'' now. What could be the problem? We are both christians and know the scriptures.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:04 am 
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Location: I'm a Hoosier boy!
Faith: Christian
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Name of your church: I attend a house church with no name.
Ask her what the problem is. There is only one better time to learn how to communicate with one another than early in the marriage, and that is to learn before you get married. But don't be argumentative when you do talk to her about it. It is better that you get to the root of the issue and fix it than it is for you to get sex.

I am not married, but this is my opinion and what I would do if I were in your shoes. Hope it can be of some help.

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Until He Returns (Rev. 2:17),
Travis

During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. ~George Orwell


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:49 am 
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Location: Texas
Faith: Christian
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Name of your church: Oak Grove Baptist
This advice is better gained in personal counseling sessions and not in forums such as this. Please go to your pastor and get some good Christian marital counseling. IMO it would be even better if you could find a solid Christian professional Marriage & Family Counselor. Perhaps your Pastor will know of some.

I'm sure there are many factors not being discussed here. There may be baggage she has from some preveious relationship, some other issue, or some combination of several things. Both of you need to get into good counseling to learn to communicate and deal with the issue/issues in a healthy manner.

FYI Some ladies have suffered some sort of sexual assault in their past and, sometimes, they project the offender upon their husbands when certain (often quite innocent) action or trait reminds them of the offender. Often they are not even concious they are doing this. However, this does often tend effect their sexual desire for their husbands. This is just one of the great many possibilities but one I've run into often as a pastor here where I am. Please get counseling and be gracious to your wife. Be loving, supportive and understanding. Be willing to be responsible for your own actions which likely could be part of this as well. Love your wife as Christ loves the church.

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Randy
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:02 am 
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Better yet, go to a trained, licensed counselor (Christian or secular). Do Not take this issue to a class or anything that is outside a private setting.

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"I hold that in this country there must be complete severance of Church and State;
Ronald Reagan


Last edited by RTCrudgi on Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Removed unnecessary quote of entire preceeding post.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:34 am 
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Location: Texas
Faith: Christian
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Name of your church: Oak Grove Baptist
While I agree that a licenced counselor is best, I would prefer a licensed Christian counselor if possible in your area. Some secular counselors use methods and follow a worldview regarding marriage which is not Biblical. Sometimes these methods, driven by their worldview, does more harm than good.

For instance, a "certified secular counselor" in Dallas encouraged a couple in my ministry to use adult videos to explore each other sexually and bring "spice" into the marriage. For that reason I sought out and encourage our folks to go to a licensed Christian counselor who uses mthods which encourage faith rather than undermine it.

By far most secular counselors are excellent. A vast majority of them can and will help your marriage and bring proper resolution to this matter if both of you are willing to go and be honest with yourselves. However, where possible I strongly reccomend certified/licensed Christian counseling over the secualr version.
Once again, your pastor is likely a good resource of information on who the good licensed counselors are in your area.

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Randy
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:42 pm 
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It's like finding a mechanic..... the first requirement is competency.

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"I hold that in this country there must be complete severance of Church and State;
Ronald Reagan


Last edited by Gideon on Sat May 18, 2013 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Removed quote of the entire immediately preceding post as redundant.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:11 am 
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Name of your church: Freeman Methodist
Thanks for all, am currently working on most of the suggestions hoping they will yield the expected dividend.


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PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 12:56 pm 
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edited.

She probably finds intercourse uncomfortable, which is very treatable.


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