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I have been dating my fiance now for a year and we just got engaged about two months ago. We still have six more months to go. I just need some advice right now on how to resist the physical temptation. We both don't have any regrets, but I'm afraid that I or we might screw up. If your a guy...lets be honest this is probibly the hardest test that we have to face, at least, I know it has been the hardest test that God has ever put in front of me!!! I just need someone to relate too. Please, If you have any cool stories about how you and your wife now resisted temptation I would love to hear them because they are encouraging, and right now I just need some hope that It can be done. Please respond! I'm just looking for advice or encouragment because these are the hardest days I have ever had to go through.

Eagle09

First I would welcome you and congratulate you!!!

Next, six months is not all that long to wait but for you seems VERY long I know. Get with your fiance' (perhaps in a public setting over coffee or tea) and talk through the issue. Set boundaries now. These boundaries will help you manage the situations which bring the greatest degree of temptation. Things like the following:
We will lightly kiss (henpeck) but not deeply (french).
We will not go to places which would add to the temptations (home, apartment, bedroom, etc.).
I'll walk you to the door but promise not to go inside.
We promise not to touch certain areas (genitalia, breasts) and will not linger too long in an embrace (pressing against one another in a sexual manner).

Go to your pastor and get solid Biblical Premarital counseling. I know you both think you've got a handle on everything but I promise there are issues you both have not talked through and some you've not even thought of. Good premarital counseling will help get your marriage off to a great start by helping you overcome the "happily-ever-after" syndrome and other such unrealistic expectations.

Generally speaking, your fiance', though she likely greatly desires you, does not have the strong sexual urges that you have. Generally she will be the responder to your physical cues. Getting a handle on yourself and leading in this particular situation will set the tone for your future marriage. Having this discussion will tell her a great deal about how much you truly value her. Maintaining these boundaries (perhaps even when she tests them) will show her you think of her as a person you honor and not a possession to be used at your leisure. Honoring these boundaries will also help remove a great deal of guilt for both of you. Believe it or not, sexual encounters before the nuptials nearly always leads too regrets. Rather than asking yourself "Why couldn't we wait another day....or week?" You really want to say to each other, "Man, you were worth the wait!"

Tim and Beverly LaHaye have a great book called "The Act of Marriage" Which might be a good read for you both. It is an open and honest conversation of the beauty of sexual love. Especially the chapters on what sex means to men and what sex means to women.

Last, sex is only a small part of marriage. Our society has put this subject on steroids and greatly over-hyped it. You are about to enter a wonderful relationship in which you are tasked to reflect Christ to a beautiful and wonderful woman 24/7. If you seek her best and serve her (reflecting how Christ serves the church) many of your relational issues will be a great deal smoother and the sex will go very well for years to come. If you focus on yourself and don't seek her best over your desires and "needs" you will become a statistic which begins with a cold shoulder and lonely couch and ends with a divorced couple and devastated children.
Sorry to end on such a blue note! I pray that will not be your future.
Congratulations again!

Blessings,
Randy

Hey welcome, I would advise caution as Randy suggested. Also I would recommend taking your eyes off the temptation and putting your focus on Christ.

Romans 13:13-14 13 Let us live decently as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in discord and jealousy. 14 Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh to arouse its desires. Context (NET)

I've always been single so I can't relate fully, but I know what its like to be close to a women and the emotions, thoughts, do go haywire. The good news is that God will always provide a way out of our temptations, that we cannot be tempted more than we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). I've seen other Christian men keep their hands to themselves until marriage. Take hope! It is possible!

_________________
Studying MDiv. (Biblical Studies) at Tyndale Seminary
My Pastor's testimony "Street Kid to Preacher" - http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p ... 1A10FF286C

What Randy said. I married later in life at 35. I think it was easier because we were both older. However we still set guidelines. We got married about 6 months after we announced our engagement. The temptation is to spend as much time together as possible. The problem is, that the way God made us men, the more time spent together = greater temptation to sin sexually.
I would suggest limiting "private" one on one time together. You will have plenty of time for that after you are married. And you'll be glad you waited!

Eagle,

Welcome and Congratulations! Great advice all around. The importance of setting boundaries and respecting them cannot be overstated. If you are truly struggling with sexual temptation, I would even suggest that you commit to each other never to be alone together in any private setting. This might seem extreme, but consider the extremity with which Christ has instructed us to deal with sin. If even your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out (Mark 9:43-48). We are to be ruthless with sin in our own lives, making no agreement with it, and allowing it no place in our lives. For we have been bought with a price, with the precious blood of Christ.

I would also suggest that you put in writing the boundaries you are committing to, set them in the form of a covenant between you with each of you promising to the other that you will not cross those boundaries and that you will help each other to stay strong and faithful to the Lord. Both of you sign and date your covenant promise. Then make copies for each of you and for others to whom you will each make yourselves accountable. Choose accountability partners who are godly and mature Christians whom you respect and who will regularly ask you if you have faithfully kept your covenant with each other. And of course you must commit to answering them honestly. Post your own copies of your agreement in a place where you will each see it every day, and as you review it daily ask God to help you keep your promise. Since marriage itself is a covenant, your mutual faithfulness to this premarital covenant will serve as a portent of your faithfulness in marriage and that fact should further motivate you in your resolve to treat each other with honor, putting Christ first in your relationship.

May God bless you and strengthen you as you strive to be faithful to him.

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Cale,
I love you like a brother but, are you serious?

Switching gears. I hope new people check out this blog with some good stuff recently. It's REAL:

http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/

Pax

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Behold, now is "THE ACCEPTABLE TIME,"
behold, now is "THE DAY OF SALVATION" --
The apostle Paul, NASB

You bet I'm serious. The extent to which one must go to avoid sexual immorality will depend upon the degree to which he/she is tempted. But a man or woman who loves God ought to be willing to go to any length in order to remain faithful to Him. Don't you agree?

Ephesians 5:3 3 But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Context (NET)

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Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!

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I guess we agree in different ways.

Your specific recommendations seemed over the top, even for Ned Flanders, America's favorite evangelical.

Pax

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Behold, now is "THE ACCEPTABLE TIME,"
behold, now is "THE DAY OF SALVATION" --
The apostle Paul, NASB

After you have set boundaries - opinions vary, but no hands in private places - you need to pray together that you will keep them.

As you get closer to marriage, the issue becomes more difficult. I do not remember your age, but you are waiting a long time. My wife made me wait 6 months - and it was too long. We were old enough and had no doubts - we have now bern married 30 years.

Pray!

John

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"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Gal 5:6b

Pastor John C. Blackburn

Dear eagle09,

Hey I hear your plea. I'll be honest with you all my wife and I were engaged after knowing each other 3 months and married at 6 months. That 6 months was the hardest we have ever had. Why? Because she was only saved 2 months before we met and was a Victim of SRA and a prostitute. I had been very sexually promiscuous and addicted to sex and had spent the previous 6 years in prison. Try to match that temptation!!! We have been married 6 years now with our 4th child on the way. Those 6 months were soooo hard. We came so close to having sexual intercourse during that time. But we didn't. Do you know why? Because we made a covenant with each other that if we did we would break up and not get married. The Lord provided and when one of us was weak the other was strong. That covenant kept us pure. Not all the do's and don'ts, nor dogma or what others would think but our covenant with each other was honored by God and He gave us strength when we needed it.

We have had other friends that had intercourse with each other before marriage and it's as if it opens a door for Satan to attack them. Even with all our baggage they are more attacked than we. To most this would seem illogical since my wife's mother is still an acting witch and satanist and continues to hold ceremonies and all that other hogwash against us. It's as if sexual intercourse before marriage is one of the biggest doors that can be opened for the enemy to attack your marriage.

Shock collar.

Seriously, I have no idea. I've never had a girlfriend.

_________________
http://biblerants.blogspot.com

My wife and I were both strong Christians when we met. We were determined to wait till marriage for sex. We succeeded, but one of the most helpful things in that was that I was going to sea for 8 weeks at a time on a Coast Guard Cutter.

Prayer is good. Worshiping together is good, but sometimes distance is what is needed. God made us. He gave us a sex drive. He knows that sometimes we just need to have our loved one out of reach when sex is not appropriate.

Just a funny little accident. When my wife and I went for our first date it was to a Carrows restaurant. We went there after an evening service at our church. I accidentally turned into the wrong driveway and we wound up in the parking lot of the motel next door to the restaurant. I explained and turned around very quickly!

We often go back to that Carrows for anniversaries.

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eagle09:

Advice: take your foot off the gas.

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Read the Bible prayerfully.For a wealth of sound theology, go to John 3:16.
(My wife and I are very much in love, by the way.)
I don't like extremes of temperature. I don't like extremes among preachers. People maybe think I'm extreme.But never mind about me
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Actually, Michael is the minister who developed The Theology Program. And just prior to starting RMM, was on staff at Stonebriar Community Church where The Theology Program had it's birth.

Mike

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Peace
Jim

_________________
Behold, now is "THE ACCEPTABLE TIME,"
behold, now is "THE DAY OF SALVATION" --
The apostle Paul, NASB