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The words of that old hymn hit me yesterday as I was driving around town alone (I seem to get my best thoughts when driving alone). I had been arguing with my wife over some trivial matters (as is our usual custom) and I was driving home I began to think about our "discussion" where we both got so upset at each other. I was getting frustrated that she was not understanding me, and now I do not remember if the song came on the radio or if the words just played in my head that I should be praying to understand other people rather than for people to understand me. That I should pray that I can love others more rather than pray for them to love me more. As I applied this to my wife, it hit me like a ton of bricks that our discussion would not have escalated into an argument if I would have understood my wife's position better, and if I understood what her "hot buttons" were and what things would make her upset, I could have avoided them in our discussion. Instead, I was so bent on her understanding me, and that she would agree with me, that I did everything I could so that SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND ME. It didn't work out very well! (again).

I just did a websearch to see what it was called. Here are the lyrics, and there was a recording of it by Sarah McLachlan that would not play on my computer for some reason, but I might have to buy that album now!

The Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

I have heard those words for years, but it struck me in a new way yesterday. And look how he prays to be able to sow the things of the Lord where those things are now not present. Awesomely amazing, and yet so simple. I think this gets to the heart of the gospel. I hope these words offer you some solace and insight as well.

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"AKA 'barpadre' - Site Admin"

Amen !

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My wife and I seem to enjoy such exercises of will. Of course, it's always her fault, because she won't listen to reason ... always trying to be right--having to be right.

The above paragraph is such a HUGE target that it's almost unfair to hold it up. Yet, isn't that "logic" exactly the stinking attitude that initiates and perpetuates arguments? Seems to me, the best way to encounter another's bullheadedness is to lower ones own horns, and charge.

Am I saying one should placate the other, taking on the intellectual role of a soft pillow? If we prioritize our communications according to the spirit of 1 Corinthians 13, such arbitrary accommodation will not be necessary, or even desirable. Few issues are worth an argument, especially in a relationship that is defined by love. And even outside of a spousal or other familial relationship, arguing almost never resolves a dispute.

Here's a strategy with which I must experiment: When disagreement begins, I must say, "Is this issue important enough to argue about? Or can we just agree to disagree right now, before blood is drawn?" That way, nobody is challenged to admit they're wrong; no ruffling another's feathers or eating ones pride(such a bitter meal).

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Set a guard, O eternal, self-existent One, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! (Psa 141:3)

He or she who is of greater spiritual maturity is the one who builds the bridge. Romans 5:8 says, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." In other words, Christ did not wait until we were perfect like he is to reach out to us. He came and met us where we were at in our sinful state. He did not wait to be "understood" by us. Also, think of how it is in the natural realm. You have a father and a son having a conversation. Does the father talk to the son about troubles at work with his boss, the mortgage payment, and insurance issues? Or does the father stoop down to his son's eye level and talk to him about, oh, Pokemon, SpongeBob SquarePants, or whatever it is the child is into? He does the latter, of course, because he's the one who has the maturity to span the gap. So is it in the spiritual realm.

a friend sent me this :

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his five-year-old son waiting for him at the door.
'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
'Yeah sure, what is it?
'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down. 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious, 'If the only reason you want to know what I earn is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard every day for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy went to his room quietly and shut the door.
The man sat down, still angry with his son. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After an hour or so, the man calmed down, and began to think...maybe there was something his son really needed to buy with that $25.00, and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the little boy's room and opened the door, 'Are you asleep, son?' he asked.
'No, daddy, I'm awake.'
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled-up bills.
The man, seeing that his son already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the man grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.' The father was crushed. He put his arms around his young son and begged his forgiveness.

In the busy-ness of life it's easy to lose track of our priorities. We should not let a day slip through our fingers without spending some time with those who really matter to us—those close to our hearts.

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I recently heard a quote on the radio from the book, "7 Habits of Effective People". Sorry to say I haven't read the book, so I'll surely butcher the quote, but I have the gist of it correct!

"Listen first to understand, not to reply." The principle being that most of us (myself included) listen first to formulate our reply to what's being said. The other person doesn't feel heard. As I listened to the radio segment and thought about it, I considered how irritating I find it when I see people doing that very thing to me. I'm speaking and seeing in their eyes that their minds are working like a busy little beaver, formulating their response. Grrr!

But wait - isn't it a fairly well known fact that what irritates us about others is typically what can be found in us? Ouch. God help us to humble ourselves, place the other person's needs ahead of our own, and truly listen in order to understand. We may experience less "intense fellowship" by doing so!

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~ Mike Knapp, pastor
Lake Hills Community Church
http://www.lakehillsfmc.com