Bible Forum

The Bible NETWork ~ Impacting the World for Christ one post at a time!

It is currently Sat May 18, 2013 12:30 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Female Demerit System
PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:08 pm 
Offline
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2005 11:34 pm
Posts: 5478
Location: Northern California
Faith: Christian
Ecclesiology/Denomination: Pentecostal
Name of your church: The Rivers Foursquare Church
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
Tina works at said, “Sports bar” (-500)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-800)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You say, “let me ask Tina” (-1000)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
You listen, for over 30 minutes, but ask, “what?” or say “Huh?” indicating you haven’t heard or understood most if not all of what is being, Blah, blah, blah, blah… (- 4001)

My wife told me all this, so it must be true!

_________________
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!

Forum Code of Conduct
The Bible NETWork Doctrinal Statement
The NET Bible Study Environment
Pastors Pro-Life Resource Center
Biblical Eldership


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:16 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2009 7:14 am
Posts: 101
Faith: Christian
Ecclesiology/Denomination: Non-denominational
Name of your church: LIVING WORD OF FAITH
I would ask how to redeem points and a list of the prizes, but after adding my points, i was wondering if i could borrow some. im in the negative and the day is ending


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 1:33 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2010 10:47 am
Posts: 186
Faith: Christian
Ecclesiology/Denomination: Baptist
Name of your church: Baptist Church
...so what are the points for "Tina, eat your food; you fat lard?"

This post is the funniest thing I've read online after math jokes!! Good job, Gideon! :D
I keep reading these and cannot keep from gigglin' Too, too funny. :mrgreen:

Quote from Gideon, "My wife told me all these, so it must be true!" (+5000 points)

_________________
Jude v. 24-25


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:20 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:33 pm
Posts: 29
Location: United States
Faith: Christian
Ecclesiology/Denomination: Methodist
Name of your church: Norwood Methodist
Thanks for the laughs. But be careful - she might give you a -5 if she sees this thread.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:33 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 8:43 pm
Posts: 937
Location: Yulee Fla.
Faith: Christian
Ecclesiology/Denomination: Baptist
Name of your church: 1st Baptist of Jacksonville Fla
:lol:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 12:16 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Nov 20, 2011 2:46 pm
Posts: 25
Faith: Christian
Ecclesiology/Denomination: Baptist
Name of your church: Moa
Do a guide like this for men as well. Haha.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group