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I am in need of some advice. My wife and I have been married for almost 7 years. And we have recently had a child. For the past two years my wife has had no interest in sex. When we first were married she enjoyed sex, but then slowly I noticed her interest started to fade. I thought maybe it was stress from work. But after she became a stay at home wife, nothing changed. In the past 2 years we have probably had sex 3 times. When I ask her about it, she just says she doesn't feel like it. I don't know what I should do. I can't help but feel that my wife is no longer (and probably never really was) attracted to me physically. I've never had a woman physically attracted to me. My wife was the first. Of course, now I'm starting to think it was more infatuation than actual attraction. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

as per my other post a few days ago, my Wife's friend hasn't had sex since the honeymoon approx 8 mo ago. There's nothing wrong with her looks wise. Her hubby won't go to a doctor or even discuss it. I just don't understand, God made sex between human beings to be enjoyable. Try to explain to your wife that God wants us to be as close as possible, to bond spiritually and physically.
Seek advice from a Christian marriage counselor. Both you you need to go.

coomer wrote



Hawg has given input on one way to proceed on this issue and maybe well worth considering. In general physical intimacy between 2 people is an important part of a relationship and gives insight into the health of that relationship...another way of putting it is that problems in one area is a symptoms of problems in another area. Physical, mental, and spiritual changes for a woman is to be expected after the birth of a child and loving support of a husband helps with these changes. It is also important to remember that physical intimacy between a man and a woman in most cases is motivated by different reasons...understanding these motivations may help to explain some of the problem. For example doing the dishes for a spouse after taking care of a child all day may increase the spouses interest in physical intimacy. In general seeking help to problems with a professional Christian counselor can help keep small issues from becoming big ones and big ones from destroying a marriage. This opinion is meant to address general issues in a general way.

If your wife is taking any kind of medcations I would look at possible side effects that might be inhibiting the labido. There are a lot of medications that are out there that might be the culprit.

Women just don't need sex as much as men and they have a very hard time understanding the guy thing.

I'm not going to state other possible senarios but a good heart to heart and a little opening up can help sometimes.

It's really hard for us to know exactly what to say because we don't know your particular situation. Sex is one of those areas that we always have own ideas about and after we get married our mate is not quite what our idea of a partner shoiud be, etc. After 26 years of marriage I have learned that God isn't dumb about sex either and He (if we accept devine guidance in the choice of our helpmeat) has a purpose for our sexlife as well. It's hard to explain but sometimes lack of somethng like sex is more what you need than to much of it. Again I don't know your situation. From where we sit in our living rooms and such you just might not be a nice guy. We don't know, but keep on posting and we'll get a feel for you and maybe help each other out.

The answer to our problems many times lies in ourselves and it takes some time to understand and accept our desert experience. Don't give up and take some time to really listen close to what your wife is saying. Oh and read some humorus stuff we all need some laughs in our lives.

Semper fi

I appreciate all of your comments thus far. Outside of the sex issue, I don't think we have any other issues. Neither of us is on any medication, we get along well, we don't argue or have any major disagreements. We can usually work through any problems. I'm sure if I were to quote scripture to her, she would comply. But there's a huge difference when she does something because she has to versus doing something because she wants to. The lack of desire started long before we got pregnant. I've racked my brain trying to figure out what I might be doing wrong. I've asked on numerous occassions what I could do to help the matter, but she doesn't have any answers. It seems to me that she is not overly concerned with the issue, especially since the birth of our child. All of her energies are directed towards him. I'm sure she still loves me. I work so that she doesn't have to. I always make time for her and our child. And I do my share of chores around the house. There was a point and time when I focused on doing a lot of little extras to try to rekindle any remaining spark, but nothing I did worked. I've been telling myself that this is just how it's going to be and I just have to accept it. I've accepted it to the point where I have stopped to trying to initiate sex. The constant rejections were creating frustrations. And that wasn't helping.

Perhaps a more direct way would help coomer...get a counselor.

Read 1Cor chapter 7.I hope this helps.

We too have no sex in our marriage. It just abruptly ended over 4 years ago. We are both elderly -- I am 75 and my husband is 79. I believe we could still have sex but my husband will not ask the doctor for any help as he is on lots of medications.

However, I believe sex does not start in the bedroom and that is where we lack. We do not communicate; he talks lots to his adult 55-year-old daughter and, therefore, doesn't need to talk to me. In the past several years this has escalated to a major problem. I want intimacy outside of sex that could possibly lead to that.

There must be intimacy -- you need to, as the Bible says, get to know your wife. Sit and talk to her and allow her to communicate whatever she is feeling; do not try to manipulate her into sex through conversation. Remember, she has deep needs and someone has to tend to them.

In my marriage, I'm leaning wholly on God to satisfy my needs for: communication, love, companionship, and, perhaps, someday my husband will reach out to me in these areas. I love him very much and it is so difficult for me to just be a roommate here.

Pray with your wife; read the Bible with her. Find out what she wants to do and find a way/time to do it with her without your child. Take her away and relieve her of all household duties. Just take care of her every whim.
You will not regret it as that it what I long for.
Bbagodina2

I would tend to agree with Rene here coomer. I would seek the counsel of a Christian counselor and a doctor. The counselor for the communication part, the talking about the problem has to start somewhere, and the doctor, just to make sure it's not tied to something physical.

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MikeC1956
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I have situations similar to these in my church a few times, strangely enough with younger couples which I find rather fascinating. None of us here on the board know your particular situation so I would definitely take the advice of others and seek counseling. In some cases with the situations I've seen the lack of sexual interest was due to a restricted childhood, or some traumatic experience that associated sexual contact with negative feelings. It's a shame that strict Christian families often affect their children in this manner (I'm not saying ALL are like this, just some). This may not be the situation here but I'd be curious to hear the cause, if it can be discovered.

I would have to agree that it could be a physical problem. I know that from experience. I have a difficult time having relations with my husband do to endometriosis. Thankfully, he is patient with me as well as I with him.

-Alicia

Please let me know what is the age of your wife and yours..Without knowing proper age its too difficult to give any advice to your problem.

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Marv
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Let us hope and pray they have resumed their 'position'

Praise the Lord

Maxine Edgar

Contrary to a lot of beliefs, this is actually quite common among Christians. In our church, the main issue of problems in marriage is due to a sexual problem, one way or the other. I do personally know many young couples in our church who just don't seem to have that sexual feeling for each other. My husband and I have not had a sexual relationship for many years. It is not always because of a physical problem either. Being a Christian, sometimes people think that having a "Christian marriage" will be made in Heaven and all will be well and live happily ever after. Nothing can be further from the truth. Just because you are a Christian does not mean that Satan will not try to come into your marriage one way or the other. In my own marriage, I married my husband out of faith, not out of love. And he as well, married me out of something else other than a physical attraction. Thus, we did get married, and we had 3 children, but our sexual life was not good, as we were not attracted to each other. I find that if I want to live by my faith, I have to also take up my cross and bear it. I do believe that my husband is the man God wanted me to marry, and if I must suffer in many way, then I have to not only marry in faith, I also have to live in faith. Also, just because you have a Christian marriage does not mean that love will not grow cold. We are humans. We irritate each other, we have different needs, and perhaps as time goes on, and the honeymoon is over, we realize that we really are two different people with two different needs. People ask me all the time why don't I divorce my husband? And I am just totally surprised that they would ask such a thing. If you are a true Christian and marry in faith, you don't consider divorce under these conditions. It is something that God gave me to bear, and I have to live with it. And others do too. It doesn't make it easy, but then again, the Lord didn't promise us an easy life.