Hello... I am and have been angry for a while... I never wanted to get married to my present wife..I was not a christian and I married because I was told I had to We would fight every time sex came up ...she was just that way... I have not touched her for 16 years or so , I mean it ..touched her not even her hand. I dont like her at all... I am her son and she is my mother...I sleep in another room.
She told me 15 years ago to find a girlfriend if I wanted sex. I did find someone that was completely opposite her... she is wonderful ...she and I think alike , we love same things, she is so sexual always after me for 10 years... she has waited for me ... I get togeather with her once a year for 10 years, we talk on the phone, daily, or sometimes walk , but I stay 5 feet away from her.
She understands and is ok.. I have anxiety over it and feel kind of dirty...is that shame or sin? Which I feel comes from her..the feeling like she is dirty. She is not ..she is wonderful... I have fought to get away from her( I understand what the bible says about adultry and it is hard to extracate yourself from that and eventually it becomes your life and then you die and adulters dont go to heaven.
I would tell her every year...I cant do this , its against my beliefs..and i would call it off and in 2 weeks we were back togeather.. I would tell God afer a lot of anxiety , that I would never do this again...and next year I am back with her. I have been saying to myself this is not worth death, and hell, and finally broke away this week. I am hurting, and angry when I see so many christians divorced and I know what the bible says. It says if you marry a woman who is divorced you commit adultry, I am very confused and angry that he and she can do it but I cant divorce and marry this woman who I have loved for 10 years. Please tell me about divorce ..why is this happening when it is sin.
I would also like to mention how God has communicated with me during this time. I mean warned me in a dream and by using people to speak to me unknown to them what they were talking about.
(( Thats another whole subject)) I hear that it can even be possible that you can pick up demons from someone you have linked yourself with..? They will harrass you... I look at my life and say its almost over..I have vapour left ...as our lives are vapour, so I say I can hang on..but oh man I want that woman and am angry about it. I feel God would retract his blessing , I could suffer big time If I dont snap out of it.