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My question is about relationships and marriage.Is a man allowed to demand that he is your husband.Are you allowed to have your own relationship with God?Are you allowed to tell a man no you don't want to date him so on?Does it matter if he is nice to you or attractive?

Hello welcome to the forums and thanks for asking.

God didn't make us to be pushed around like shopping carts. We have the ability to choose what relationships we have, including marriage, dating, and even an eternal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I think appearance plays a role in choosing a mate, but priority wise I would put it lowest on the totem poll. I would consider some of these questions first:

- Do they have a relationship with Christ as Saviour and Lord? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
- Have I prayed about it and is this the person the Lord is calling me to?
- Do they show Christ-like characteristics and are committed to following him within a local body of believers?

If the answer is no to any of these I would think twice about entering into a relationship with that person

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My Pastor's testimony "Street Kid to Preacher" - http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p ... 1A10FF286C

Thanks for the help.

Steph

The instruction that is given to Christian husbands is that they are to love their wives as "Christ loved the church".

That is a good guideline to the behavior of any man a Christian girl thinks about dating or marrying. Does the man remind you of Jesus? Of course they cannot do that perfectly, but that should be any Christian man's aim, and they should be trying.

The attitude you describe comes from a very patriarchal view of men and women, in which the men are firmly in charge and women just have to do what they are told (by the men). But this is not the way of Christ.

in Christ

Dinah

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(stephd)2 Cor 6:14 as shown in an earlier reply is showing that God never intended for us to be in a relationship with anyone who does not believe as you do.Assuming that you are a christian or at least seeking for advice within the scope of believers,this shows me what you desire in your heart.If you are seeking a relationship with someone then you should at the very least expect them to share this desire,if they don`t then you should turn away(assuming you are not married)from them and seek a partner that will not hinder you as you walk in Christ.

I think if you focus on God through all of lifes decisions and ask Him to guide your steps,I believe you`ll see the love of Christ play a role in the love that He spoke of and showed to each of us.Love is key with God and should be key in us,and if love is administered then it also is returned.

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KJV Heb:10;14 "For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified."

Hi Steph. Just so I'm clear, you're wondering if a man can "demand that he is your husband"?

What does that mean in "real-time"?

Call me crazy but it is my sense that a man can't "demand" anything of any woman at any time.

So what are we talking about here? Because the bible says lots and lots of things.

edit: I didn't mean to sound condescending...that's just the way it came out.

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Some say Jesus was not a pacifist...

"Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword."
Matthew 26:52 (NIV)

For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.
Galatians 5:14

stephb, it sounds to me as if you may be from a culture that is not Western?

The advice from the bible for Christians is that: Christians should marry Christians. That is the first consideration for a Christian person, but it is not always an easy thing in places where things are done differently.

In some cultures, families arrange marriages, and both man and woman may feel they have a right for the marriage to go ahead. I would have thought that both need to stay in agreement, usually, for a marriage to proceed. So if you do not want to marry him, we in the West would say you should not have to - but your culture may not give you a lot of choice. What does your family say? I hope they can support your feelings in this.

If you are not going to marry this man, then do not date him. That would give him false expectations that you might marry him later on.

It is a basic human right to be free to believe and have a faith of your own. No-one can take away your relationship with God, or make you stop having one. But they can make it hard to remain faithful and outwardly practice your religion. It is unwise to marry someone who does not respect your faith - preferably, they should be of the same belief. Otherwise, the marriage will suffer many disputes and quarrels.

We in the West put a lot of importance on finding our marriage partners "attractive" and "nice" because we have a choice in who we will marry. My understanding from speaking with people from other cultures is that you can grow to love someone very much indeed, even if you did not find them attractive at first. But someone who does not treat you nicely may not change, and I think you would be very unwise to date or marry anyone who does not respect you and treat you well.

If you can, is there an older Christian lady, or a Christian pastor or minister or priest that you can speak to? At times like this, you probably need someone who is there with you. We on the internet can pray for you - but we can only help a little bit with advice because we do not know your circumstances.

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