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Dear dcljoy,

I am recently back in church. My husband and I got saved over one year ago. We both take prescription pain pills. I am under strict supervision w/ a pain management doc. So is my husband. I am 49 yrs old and got ran over by a truck in 1996, crushing my lower back and pelvis and left leg. In a wheel chair for long time, was never supposed to walk again. But thanks to the Lord, I did, but now have lots of pain and other related issues. We have been married eleven years, last 4 or 5 years, my husband started complaining of lower back pain(he does work in a factory and does lots of heavy lifting). But has never had a broken bone or serious injury. Plus he is 14 years younger than me. About one month ago, he confessed to me that he had been lying about his pain, just to get the pills! I had suspected this sometimes, but I'm not the Doctor, during this confession, my husband admitted that he had watched me and was basically copying my symptoms and reporting them to the doc. He cried and rehabed himself at home w/my help. He has been clean for about 5 weeks. A few days ago he stole a pain pill from me cuz he was mad at me, he says. Tonite before he went to work, he said his hemroids were killing him and asked me for one of my pain pills. I said no. he got very angry at me. I do feel like I betrayed him, as I told our doc on my last visit what had been going on and I thought my husband had a pill problem, that he had stopped taking them on his own and made me swear I would never, for any reason, ever give him another pill. For years he has been taking all his pills and running out, then he steals mine and leaves me nothing. Now he is making snide remarks about how "I fixed it for him so he just has to suffer". I am so hurt, betrayed and confused. I am praying and reading scripture about it, but most scripture says I should "obey" my husband. Our church is not very stable, we keep getting new pastors, I like the one we have now, should I talk to him by myself or suffer in silence, this is killing me and my love for my husband. My husband is working nights and not in church right now. I don't want to betray him or tell our pastor until I know him better. What should I do??? I have researched husbands and wives and our expectations and duties to one another and our marriage. I don't know where to turn, to my bible of course, but this is a more modern problem, having a hard time finding specifics about drug abuse. Can you advise me or point me inthe right direction??? Please pray for me. I feel so lost. Thank YOu, Karen

knight9702, dealing with addiction is never an easy issue, no matter what the substance. Paul writes about this concerning being drunk. I cant remember which book. I'm not in a place to look it up at the moment.
It doesn't matter what the substance is, the same messages apply.

Suffering in silence is never a good Idea; if you can, get together with that pastor, and if it makes you feel better, mention the confidentiality aspect of your concerns. He should already hold confidentiality to it's highest degree. It comes with the territory. Don't try to do it alone. Even wives of alcoholics have girlfriends they can talk to. See if the church has a group like this. You shouldn't have to say anything until you are ready, But there is comfort in the group. We are not called upon to walk this life alone, no matter what circumstances we are in. I am praying for you, that Jesus give you the strength.

The wife does have certain duties to her husband, which does not include being abuse. The husband also has duties to wife, and they don't include abusive behavior. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. I urge you to lean on the church body for support.

As for the betrayal of not giving in; I don't think you are betraying him. Let me put it like this; If I told my wife that no matter how much I begged, DO NOT staple my hand to the table, or give me a staple gun, even though I really want you too, don't do it. and Later DEMANDED that she either do it or give me the staple gun and I'll do it myself, to which she replied "NOWAY!". Is she betraying me by not letting me hurt myself? Same thing applies here. I could go get a stapler else where but it's just easier if she does it for me. She has taken the ease of obtaining my drug of choice away. Sure I might get mad, but I haven't been betrayed.

Anyway, IMO, the church body is the best place to find the support you need.

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This is just my general advice. I don't know you or all of the circumstances.

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You didn't mention the medicine in question. I assume it's a schedule IV narcotic?

AS for hubby, are you sure he doesn't have a real pain problem? Heavy manual labor wreaks havoc on the bodies of many, if not most, older men. On one hand it's healthy, on the other hand it causes painful chronic injuries. Your best bet may be to hide your meds. Try to take them when he is out.

good luck and God bless.

Jim

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Behold, now is "THE ACCEPTABLE TIME,"
behold, now is "THE DAY OF SALVATION" --
The apostle Paul, NASB