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 Post subject: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:28 am 
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Any interest in discussing the role of grand parents?

The DW is very involved with the care of the grandparents. We have one set over several days a week, when both parents are working. We get regular visits from another set. The third set lives farther away, and we only see them every other month.

I'm not nearly as involved as the DW, but I do pick a couple of grandkids up after school on Friday.

What effect does grandparenting have on children? Is there an ongoing effect on the middle generation?

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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:56 am 
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What does DW stand for?


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:45 am 
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My guess from the context of the post is that DW stands for something akin to "Dear Wife". (Because of the pronouns used and other terms such as "we", "both parents", & "third set (of g-parents)".

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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:06 am 
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DW= dear wife, DS= dear son, and so on

We watch our son's 2 boys once a week after school to give son and wife a night out together. I try to give the kids some Christian teaching but am not very successful. They do love having us over and playing.


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:21 am 
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Not a grandparent yet - and best not be for several more years! BUT I know how my parents and my husband parents have affected my children's lives and how my grands affected my life. God bless grandparents!

My kids are having to grow up, never really knowing MY grandparents. I was blessed to know not only my grands, but my great grands on both sides of my family! All sets of great grands (my grandparents and dh's grandparents) are now gone for my kids.

Blessings,

Garsy


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:39 am 
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Thank you, RTCrudgi and still4gvn, I'm been use to seeing d/h, d/w, d/s, d/d and etc. Sorry for being such a dummy.

Quote:
Original Strider33: Any interest in discussing the role of grand parents?

The DW is very involved with the care of the grandparents. We have one set over several days a week, when both parents are working. We get regular visits from another set. The third set lives farther away, and we only see them every other month.

I'm not nearly as involved as the DW, but I do pick a couple of grandkids up after school on Friday.

What effect does grandparenting have on children? Is there an ongoing effect on the middle generation?


My d/h and I have 11 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren, so guess that gives me a little insight on the subject.
First of all, my nor my husband's grandparents or parents ever 'Babysat' for their children or childrens children except in emergencies and on special occasions; 'Babysitting' was/is a No No!! (I wish I had learned that important lesson sooner.)
Grandchildren and great-grandchildren 'visit', and sometimes 'vacation' with their grandparents, who do fun and adventuress things together while learning about life; including reading bible stories and learning silly happy christian songs and praying together.
One (one at a time) of our grandchildren from time to time will say,"Do you remember when we ...." or "I remember when you read us the Donkey bible story (in Numbers), you made it such fun to learn." "Can I say the Grace me taught me when I was a baby?" --- BTW, much of which I don't remember, but am very grateful to God for showing me that I did do something right from time to time. :?


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 12:12 pm 
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BTW, I think it is a shame how children take advantage of their parents and grandparents, in today's world, when it comes to "Babysitting" just so they can work. When we raised our kids we arranged our work schedules so that one parent was home with the children while the other one worked --- or only one worked. Today there is Daycare. Parents or grandparents should never ever be used as a 'Daycare' substitute; it robs the children of knowing what real grandparents/great-grandparents are to be to them.

Pat


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 1:45 pm 
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Hattie4Him wrote:
BTW, I think it is a shame how children take advantage of their parents and grandparents, in today's world, when it comes to "Babysitting" just so they can work. When we raised our kids we arranged our work schedules so that one parent was home with the children while the other one worked --- or only one worked. Today there is Daycare. Parents or grandparents should never ever be used as a 'Daycare' substitute; it robs the children of knowing what real grandparents/great-grandparents are to be to them.

Pat


What if a parent/grandparent volunteers? I ask mostly because my brother is a single parent of 3 teens, and while they are not little ones and don't need constant supervision, they do need adults from time to time. And they live with my mother. My father died just over a year ago, but was sick for a few months prior - and that is when my brother and his kids moved in. My mother needed the help and my brother also needed the help. And the kids have flourished! My mother asked if my brother would consider putting his home up for rental and move in with her so someone could be there for my dad at all times. And then after Dad died, my mother needed my brother and his boys to take care of things around the farm and having my niece there was and is a great comfort for my mom. Now while some may see this as my brother taking advantage of my mom's grief, and just live off of her kindness - It is NOT that way. It gives my mom great comfort to have others there as she hates to be alone, and gives my brother peace of mind knowing that there is another adult around to help with the kids.

Blessings,

Garsy


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:10 pm 
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I wish we lived closer to my folks. We live about 1200 miles from any of the kids grandparents so they only get to see them once a year give or take (unless of course they want to come for a visit lol) I think if the grandparents are willing to keep an eye on the kids while the parents work it is a valuable resource. Our parents have so much to share and it is a blessing when they live close enough to be a regular part of their grandkids lives :)

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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:11 pm 
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No kids, no husband. But my mom has already told me, "When you get married and have kids I am taking them two Friday's a month, you can pick them up on Saturday. One Friday so you two can have a "date night" and another Friday so you can have "girls night" and he can have "guys night."

Thanks, mom!

I will say that I did not grow up around my grandparents. I flew to them every summer. My grandma now lives a few blocks away from me and I see her all the time. My mom does regret that my brother and I never really "knew" our grandparents when we were kids. I do wish that I had known my grandparents better.

Although, my dad's parents lived near us for many years, but then decided to move back to Arkansas so they could be, "closer to their grandchildren." That's what they told my mom and she was really offended, it took her years to get over that.

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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 6:23 pm 
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I Love being a grandparent... :bigsmurf:


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:45 pm 
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I can't speak to the situation of all families, but we do not feel taken advantage of. The cost of living, even frugally, being what it is, their earning power being what it is, and the cost of daycare being what it is, they would be absolutely sunk without the chance to leave some of the grandkids with us some of the time.

The d/w is glad to volunteer, even though it is quite a bit of work. And the quality of care the grandkids get from it is the best. That's not always true of daycare.

One of our children is a stay at home mom, and we only get those grandkids maybe one evening a month.

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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:44 pm 
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When my son was little his great-Uncle (on his father's side) helped quite a bit with baby-sitting and general care (he usually lived with us). I don't know what I would of done with out him. He ended up being my best friend after years of living with us--I'll always be grateful to him.

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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 9:21 am 
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garsyt wrote:
Hattie4Him wrote:
BTW, I think it is a shame how children take advantage of their parents and grandparents, in today's world, when it comes to "Babysitting" just so they can work. When we raised our kids we arranged our work schedules so that one parent was home with the children while the other one worked --- or only one worked. Today there is Daycare. Parents or grandparents should never ever be used as a 'Daycare' substitute; it robs the children of knowing what real grandparents/great-grandparents are to be to them.

Pat


What if a parent/grandparent volunteers? I ask mostly because my brother is a single parent of 3 teens, and while they are not little ones and don't need constant supervision, they do need adults from time to time. And they live with my mother. My father died just over a year ago, but was sick for a few months prior - and that is when my brother and his kids moved in. My mother needed the help and my brother also needed the help. And the kids have flourished! My mother asked if my brother would consider putting his home up for rental and move in with her so someone could be there for my dad at all times. And then after Dad died, my mother needed my brother and his boys to take care of things around the farm and having my niece there was and is a great comfort for my mom. Now while some may see this as my brother taking advantage of my mom's grief, and just live off of her kindness - It is NOT that way. It gives my mom great comfort to have others there as she hates to be alone, and gives my brother peace of mind knowing that there is another adult around to help with the kids.

Blessings,

Garsy


I see nothing wrong with this situation -- In fact, I see it as a won won situation; As you said "they are not little ones and don't need constant supervision, they do need adults from time to time." I do not see them as a drain/burden but a blessing/helpers for the most part.

What most miss, in today's world, is that there is a small window time-frame between parental infant/child rearing and the care-giving needs of our elders [parents/grandparents]. If you raise your children, then raise; while the parents work; your grandchildren, then have to care for the needs of your elderly parents; and/or your spouses elderly parents; you won't have the (sometimes long-term) care-giving energy that it takes to run your own home --- do your own shopping, banking, housecleaning, laundry, make and keep your own appointments, taking care of personal needs and spending time [date-nights included] with your spouse and etc. --- And then keep them and their homes and chauffeuring needs for their personal needs [hair dressers, shoes & clothes shopping] Drug store RX's and over-the-counter shopping, grocery store shopping, banking, cleaning of their house, doing their laundry, doctors, dentists, doctors for the eyes, doctors for the ears and doctors for the .... on and on and on. --- believe me I've been there --- all the above and more and I ran out of energy; after a few years I looked like death warmed-over, my family was sick with worry. It has taken me 10 years to recoup from those days.

Enjoy your grand-babies/Kids --- don't work for your children doing their job of raising their own kids. Things aren't any harder financially today than in our child raising years. IMHO


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 Post subject: Re: Grandparenting
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 8:59 pm 
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Grandparents bring stability and roots to their grandchildren, and what kid is there but can use all the unconditional love they can get? If your family is sane and relatively healthy, it's good for the grandkids and probably good (depending on their strength - you'll have to ask and be sensitive) for the grandparents. It's fun time with kids and you can hand them back to their parents for the hard parts. :)

My grandparents were part of a long line of child abusers (both sides of the family - abusers seems pretty good at finding each other) so I had no grandparents who loved me or were people I wanted to be around. But I see it in other families, and I'm determined to be a good grandmother some day when God gives my kid a mate and some babies.

I know a family where one set of grandparents are quite well off, and each year they pay for all three generations to be together at a resort. Once a year they'll take one of the grandkids anywhere in the world they want to go for a week. The kids, of course, love it, and eagerly wait their turn.


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