Well don't fall into the trap of thinking somehow that if you just do a certain thing or whatever that your daughter is going to do what you desire.
Maybe you know a bit what it's like to be God, you go to extremes even to the point of death on a cross and people say they want to do their own thing. Even say things like you don't love them or you're just trying to manipulate them or all sorts of things.
It's very difficult to speak directly to this without knowing your daughter. Hard to tell to what extent she is attracted to women and not men. It's difficult actually to know with women because women are naturally attracted to each other. Editors of women's magazines have known for a long time how women find the face of another woman attractive, so you see page after page of women often with the face prominently displayed. If you switched it a bit and had a guy sit and read magazines that featured picture after picture of guys like women's magazines do, people would assume he was gay.
Women become aware of their attraction and they assume they are gay too, even thought they aren't.
And there is also the problem that let's be honest, there aren't many young guys that are all that great to have a relationship with. You mention it yourself when you say how amazed you were at the "boyfriend".
And young women just want so desparately to be loved and desired and so when there is someone who does, well, often it's not that big a deal to them if that's a man or a woman, used to be social stigma would stop many at some point but society has long been more tolerant of two women than two men.
So there's a lot that could be going on here, and problem is, you are probably about the last person in the world she is going to tell. If she does tell you something it's hard to know if she's saying the truth or saying something to please you or saying something to push your buttons.
I guess what I'm saying is it's hard to know if this is a relationship with one other woman or if it's more. Added concern on top of that is that sexual response is to a degree learned. So there's also a concern that what starts with one relationship turns into more.
In any case, as you know, it's pretty limited at this point in her life what you can do. The hard part is to actually accept that. And I don't mean to say well if you had just done a certain thing when she was 7 that all this would not have happened.
Making things like this so difficult is the desire to hide them. That really gives them their power over us. It's good to talk to others about this, as you say the other girl's mother is beside herself and doesn't know what to do either. This is why you see such a list of support groups. We really are limited in our ability to control others, what we have is control over our response, and so support groups and counselors focus on you and helping you handle things.
It's especially problematic with our children because it's really normal to kind of have this fantasy life built up around them. They are going to grow up, find the best guy in the whole world, have a wonderful life in a wonderful place in a wonderful house and give us plenty of wonderful grandchildren which we can have the most amazing wonderful relationships with. Problem is, our children tend to be more like us than our fantasy is. They are sinners, often selfish, they make poor choices and even when they make good ones it doesn't guarantee anything. The hardest thing is that we experience a sense of loss in many cases. It's like mentally something dies because we see our fantasy future for them flying out the window.
Anyway, that's probably too much in one post anyway so I better stop, did anything seem to fit?