The Bible NETWork ~ Impacting the World for Christ one post at a time!

It's quiet over here. Let's start a new thread.

God calls us to holiness, and we are to be holy in all our ways. How does this translate into how we behave as a person who dates? Let's list some ways!

I'll start:

Don't lie.

As a person who used to date, it was important to not lie to the person I dated about how I felt about them (if it was appropriate to say so) or what my standards were - unfortunately, this was a development later in my dating life.

In the earlier stages, you couldn't tell me from a non-Christian. I regret that greatly, and God has forgiven it. I haven't run into any of those men to ask their forgiveness, but I would, given the chance.

That was the best thing about being with my now husband. I didn't want to date him initially, so I figured being honest would scare him off! Amazingly enough it didn't, and it was the first romantic relationship I had that stuck

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Formerly NWgardengal

IMHO dating is a pre-marital process (whether we admit it or not). We should be careful to date those who are true believers in Christ and we should not be involved in the misconcieved "missionary-dating" process. (see the discussion HERE for perspective. I know the discussion is long and tedious at point but, if one reads it to the end, I think some perspective can be gained.)

I believe that we also should set boundaries upon ourselves and others in this "dating" process so that we honor our Lord's design and desire for us to remain pure (in action and heart). I think this especially necessary in the sexually charged culture we live in today. Boundaries in the areas of touching, kissing, as well as being alone together in "compromising" or "tempting" places.

Setting those boundaries and making them clear before the first date will send off quite a few "prospects". But what does that imply about their intentions in the first place?

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Blessings,
Randy
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never put myself in a position where our commitment to holiness may be compromised.

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Grow together in Christ as you get to know each other. (Read the bible together, go to church together, etc.) That way, if it doesn't work out for some reason, you'll still be learning about the Word and growing as a Christian.

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8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. Revelation 3:8

...Formerly Chrystal-J-007 at CW.

good one Crystal

it is so important to be friends first, and lovers second (and not the other way around), there are safeguards in friendship

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In my late 20's I decided that dating was not very godly at all. Aside from the worldliness of most dating circumstances, I began to see it as a narcissistic endeavor meant to fulfill my other unmet needs for intimacy (spiritual and emotional--geez keep it clean), to boost my own self confidence and to push my "IM GETTING MARRIED DAMMIT" agenda.

Later I began to consider that perhaps God didnt WANT me to get married...the bible clearly alludes to the fact that many are better off single where they can grow their relationship with God and their purpose in ministry without the obligations of wife and kids. I began to think more about scriptures which assured that the Lord would PREPARE us a spouse.

Oh, and I also read a book which affirmed and enhanced these growing suspicions about dating. I think it was called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". The book basically focused on the old idea of 'courting' as a healthy, mature and productive alternative to 'dating'.

I went about 3 years or so without dating that way. I 'looked' but not desperately and I rarely asked a woman out because I no longer felt the need to roll the dice every weekend. Instead, I was content to let opportunity and circumstance present itself. If I went on a date, it was because I saw the values which I could not compromise...not because I was free that weekend. On such dates I would be very honest about dating to explore the potential of a lifelong relationship...in 1-2 'dates', if that wasn't mutual, it was easy at that point to walk away amiably! There was no intimacy...not even kissing on these dates. Neither would there some date with another potential recruit lined up for the next weekend!

Now...admittedly an immature christian at the time, I think I pushed my own marriage along too quickly...I should have considered if, at that point in life, God even WANTED me to date or be married some day. I met a wonderful woman...beautiful, intelligent, witty, compassionate, nurturing, hard working...but I knew in my heart she wasn't saved.

There were times in our marriage when that spiritual distance between us was a real challenge. Thank the Lord, He used my weaknesses to make a miracle...my wife recently accepted Christ.

That said, I would encourage people not to date, but to get in healthy groups where you're surrounded by strong believers. If the Lord sees marriage as part of His plan, the opportunity will prevent itself. I know...hard to trust in that one....

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"Whatever laws are contrary to God's honor or contrary to the welfare of human beings are sinful and tyrannical and should not be called laws"-Girolamo Zanchi
http://WWW.christian-libertarian.com

I'm pretty sure he meant "present".

I'm sure you're right, RTC.

That's wonderful your wife got saved, Christianlibertine.

How would you counsel other Christian men in the situation you found yourself in when you were dating?

Would it be right to discuss about love and your feeling for each other till you are courting/engaged and what are the stages that a Christian relationship should have and what should the boundaries be at each stage of the relationship?

Oops...yes, good call on the "prevent"!

As far as the christian men in 'my situation while dating'...can you elaborate? Are you referring to dating so meone who wasnt saved...or just the different spin on dating or what?

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"Whatever laws are contrary to God's honor or contrary to the welfare of human beings are sinful and tyrannical and should not be called laws"-Girolamo Zanchi
http://WWW.christian-libertarian.com

I think its fine to discuss any feelings open and honestly, but you have to be careful not to get carried away...those words create bonds and if you start embellishing or projecting your own romantic ideals over your true feelings, it can get sticky!

Not sure what the rules and/or stages are. Generally speaking I look at it this way. The 'dating' for me was just spending time together...its generally wise to ensure very little of this is alone time...ahem. I'd suspect after a handful of dates a couple could concede that they are interested in pursuing a committed relationship...and for any christian that implies eventual marriage right? So at some point you make a commitment or you move on...and during this 'courting' or whatever period, while getting to know eachother and friends/family, etc this is the time to pray about it, seekthe counsel of family and church and if it eventually becomes apparent that God is blessing you as a couple, then get married.....Im not a big fan of the 5 year engagement stuff!

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"Whatever laws are contrary to God's honor or contrary to the welfare of human beings are sinful and tyrannical and should not be called laws"-Girolamo Zanchi
http://WWW.christian-libertarian.com

I do not think that their is specifically a certain amount of time that has to be waited until saying "I love you" or stating your intentions.. However, one should know oneself before engaging in any sort of romantic relationship.. If you are the type of person that falls head over heals after five minutes of conversation then it would probably be wise to wait until you have had a realistic amount of time to get to know some one. I have been married for four years now, and two months after meeting my wife I not only knew I loved her, I knew that I would persue marrying her to the best of my ability. I clearly told her my intentions on the same day that I told her I was interested in her. I wanted to be as up front as possible to avoid all confusion. However, we had quickly become close friends and were in a christian college environment that allowed us to get to know each others personalities and respective theologies. I think that it is very important to agree on the fundamentals of salvation before allowing your heart to be given away. There is such a thing as guarding your heart and if you are a person that cannot guard your heart you are probably not ready for a relationship and should rather be working on your spiritual growth. Seeking the Lord's will in your life is the most important thing. God does not try to hide His will from us. Before asking God to show you His will it is good to examine your heart and prepare it to be ready to follow His will no matter what. If you come before God with a willing heart and ask Him to show you His will He will answer you! Don't worry about time tables, but have FAITH that He will show you what path to take and what roads to go down. It is a wonderful thing being a Christian, because if we simply follow His will and keep a serveants heart willing to obey our Master He will give us the life HE desires for us!

Here's where I get folks angry with me. IMO a person does not fall in love. You can fall into a ditch. You can fall down stairs. You choose to love. In the same fashon a person does not fall out of love. They choose not to love.
I never really have understood why it is "romantic" to fall in love. That concept has nothing to do with who any person is. It only has something to do with some accidental fatal emotional event which isn't percievable untill it happens. "You may or may not have any redeeming qualities but, for some reason, I fell into this 'love ditch' with you and, untill I get out of it, I'll just have to be here with you in the ditch untill I fall out of it."

I'm really against any long term engagement. If you agree to get married I think you should take the proper amount of time (2 to 10 months depending on how big the wedding is) and get married. I found that, once couples get engaged, the temptations and desires become exponentially multiplied for them to have sex. It seems that every day closer to the wedding day multiplies those feelings. IMO remianing celebate untill after the wedding is easier, in our highly sexually charged culture, if the couple makes the engagment as short as possible.

I think a discussion of boundaries must happen early in the relationship and accountability to Godly friends outside the relationship would be good too IMO. As far as what boundaries at what "stages" I think the question makes the issue too hard. IMO the stages are quite simple and clear: single, engaged, married. One shouldn't be sexually active in any fashion untill they are married. (BTW, I include touching sexually and all the other physical stuff that some do not consider "sex" in the sexually active category.)

NOt much time but my 2 cents here!

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Blessings,
Randy
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Two excellent points!

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"Whatever laws are contrary to God's honor or contrary to the welfare of human beings are sinful and tyrannical and should not be called laws"-Girolamo Zanchi
http://WWW.christian-libertarian.com