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I'm pretty new to this site, so sorry if things sound confusing or if I've done something wrong/different. So I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now, and at the time when I first met him I was struggling in my faith and just hopped right along on the relationship train. I've done things that I now regret, but have stopped doing so, and started to rebuild my relationship with God. I'm so happy to where I'm heading but at the same time I'm unhappy. You see my boyfriend says he's a Christian, attends church on Sunday's but he doesn't talk to me about God or anything. I've mentioned this numerous times before, and he says he's not going to change. I myself want to be in a relationship where the man is the spiritual leader and will help me out and guide me, but lately all it seems to be is us fighting and him bringing me down. I've also talked to him about this a lot of times, we've recently attended the same church twice, and both were horrible experiences with him. He made rude comments about the worship and kept taking my focus. At the same time I can't find it in me to end things with him and I'm afraid that I may be stuck. I know in my heart that there is better out there for me and I deserve better (I've also been told this by friends as well) but I just can't end it. I'm afraid if I end it that he'll be too hurt and won't understand and that I won't find better out there for me and I'll just be alone. I want to believe that there is someone out there God has intended for me to be with. I want to know that this isn't the end. I also know some people believe that everyone won't get married, but I don't want to be one of those people. I want to become a wife, a mom, and so much more one day.

Sorry if that sounds confusing, but honestly I just really need some God lovin' caring people to help me out, because my friends just say he's a jerk and don't really help out much so I'm at a loss.

You friends may be correct. I have not seen any relationship such as this end well in my 35 years of ministry.

Have faith in God - and in yourself. God will help you find a relationship where both He and you are respected.

John

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"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Gal 5:6b

Pastor John C. Blackburn

I would say for once your friends might be right it sounds like he his only going to church to appease you, See i have a 28 yr old daughter and she also got involved with what she thought was "Mr Right" and could not tell her any different and now she has a daughter by him and found out he has a criminal record so there not together any more but now she is a single parent now, so ask yourself you are still young and got your life ahead of you, step back and put the breaks on for now and enjoy your life you still have plenty time for all of that, My daughter loves her daughter to death but if she could do it all over again she probably would not been in such a hurry to find that "Right Guy" take your time and one day when you least expect it God will send the right guy to you wait on his timing and not yours..

Hi Abay, and welcome to the forum!

First, I would echo the comments already made. You are a young woman and have lots of time to meet the man God would give you. IMO, your present boyfriend is clearly not that man. When I was young, single, and looking for a wife, my dear mother advised me not to marry someone I could live with, but to marry someone I couldn't live without. It was good advice, and so I pass it on to you.

I would also remind you that Jesus said in Matthew 10:37, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Of course Jesus did not mean to limit those who must not come before him to just those four categories. Jesus is saying we must not put anyone before him. So how does your relationship with your boyfriend impact your relationship with the Lord? Does your relationship with this fellow strengthen your relationship with Jesus? Does he fan the flame of your love for God? Are you a better disciple of Jesus Christ because of him? If the answers to these questions are negative, then you know what you should do -- not just for your sake, but also for Christ's.

Grace and peace to you.

Cale

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Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!

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I would say that the characteristics that you find lacking in your partner are characteristics that are essential in a Godly husband. He is meant to be the spiritual head of the family. If you are serious about finding a God-loving husband, who can bring your kids up to be God-loving children and who can also be a source of spiritual strength to you, then you should seriously consider moving on if your current partner is not going to be this person.

Yes, there will be hurt, but that's life, these things happen. I've experienced being told "it's not working" / "it's over" by a girlfriend on 5 separate occasions and I have said it to a partner on 1 occasion. Now, a few years later on from this, I'm just 1 month away from my wedding day. Yes, it hurt when I was told no, but I wouldn't have wanted to have stayed in a relationship if I knew the other person was unhappy or if they didn't think I was the one for them. I wouldn't have wanted to walk down the aisle and be told "I do" in a reluctant whimper.

Consider the following scenario:

You are planning on buying a house. You have made an offer for the property that has been accepted. The sellers tell you how happy they are to have agreed a fee, because they've been trying for almost a year to sell their house so they can move in to their dream retirement home. Problem: Although the house is bigger and better than your current house, you decide you don't want it after all. You'd rather stay in your current house where you will be near friends and relatives, rather than moving to the next town. What do you do? a) Tell the old couple you are pulling out of the purchase because you want to stay near family and friends, thereby breaking their hearts or b) Move in so as not to disappoint the buyers, but consequently you will not be near family and friends.

In this instance, it would make no sense to go for anything other than the first option. If you don't feel comfortable moving in, if you have a change of heart, if you don't feel it's right and that you wont be happy once living there, then you shouldn't just not move in so as not to upset the sellers. You've got to do what's right for you, rather than doing the wrong thing in order to avoid a little bit of upset for someone else and then living the rest of your life with the consequences of not saying 'no'.

Abay,

"Ditto" Gideon's welcome!

(Underlining mine for emphasis)

I'm glad you've begun to get yourself together but I'm guessing that your boyfriend was not involved in this decision or that he was rather reluctantly involved. Don't get me wrong, your first priority right now is your relationship with God. As a matter of fact, your first priority throughout your life is your relationship with God! Keep doing the right thing according to what God desires and a lot of wrong people will be removed from the picture. But not always all the wrong people will be removed.

I'm guessing that you post this because you know the right thing to do but are reluctant to do it. Possibly you are "non-confrontational" and perhaps a bit "co-dependant" in your relational nature. Neither of those are particularly healthy when one is in this type of situation.


First, his rude comments about worship tell you something about his commitment to Christ and his character. Do you want to be stuck with that the rest of your life? Do you want to constantly struggle against that (probably alone) while trying to raise godly children? How long before you break and become more like Him?

You say first that you know that there is better out there but then later say you are afraid you won't find that better one. Are you depending upon yourself or are you depending and resting upon the Lord? You certainly won’t find better while connected to "sir jerk"! So until you end that connection you will self-fulfill this little prophecy. Gideon’s quote of Matthew is very appropriate IMHO.

Sweet lady, as others have noted here you should let this guy go and do it FAST. God has shown you a wonderful garden of flowers and told you that you may pick one. He warns you both to stay within the garden boundaries and that you should be careful because there are weeds (counterfeits) within the boundaries. Become enamored with a flower outside of God’s boundary and it will likely consume your life and choke out your faith. Become enamored with a weed (counterfeit) and it also will consume your life and choke your faith. But should you take your time and carefully chose one planted, pruned, and nourished by the Lord you will find a relationship which challenges you to continue in the pleasing aroma of God’s grace, mercy and love. A few thorny stems but always some very lovely fruit!

From what you’ve said and your friend’s advice as well, you are choosing a weed. Perhaps your rejection of him will drive him from the church. If so, that will be his choice and not your fault. Perhaps your rejection of him will finally show him that one can place God first in their life and challenge him to take clear steps closer to God. What’s most important here is your relationship with God and whether you will be obedient to Him doing things His way and placing your full trust in Him or shall you trust yourself and do it your way. One way is narrow and often hard. The other is quite broad and a great deal easier. One way leads to blessing….the other to disaster.

Choose today whom you will serve…. (Joshua 24:14-15)

Blessings,
Randy

Hello am I Stuck look again at Gidions post Great advice !!!!!

Better to be happy single than miserable with a lame husband.

However he responds to God, that is between him and God, and you can't make him do anything. Even if you put a gun to his head (I don't recommend this at all) and told him to reject God, it's still between him and God how he responds. God is at work in people's lives and you and I aren't that powerful. Good thing, huh?

As thick-headed and immature as I have been, God was gracious that I decided early in my adult life that either I would marry a Godly, good man or I would stay single, period. It was a good decision that I'm very happy about (coming up on my 25th wedding anniversary and still in love!).