"Ditto" Gideon's welcome!
So I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now, and at the time when I first met him I was struggling in my faith and just hopped right along on the relationship train. I've done things that I now regret, but have stopped doing so, and started to rebuild my relationship with God.
(Underlining mine for emphasis)
I'm glad you've begun to get yourself together but I'm guessing that your boyfriend was not involved in this decision or that he was rather reluctantly involved. Don't get me wrong, your first priority right now is your relationship with God. As a matter of fact, your first priority throughout your life is your relationship with God!
Keep doing the right thing according to what God desires and a lot of wrong people will be removed from the picture. But not always all the wrong people will be removed.
I'm guessing that you post this because you know the right thing to do but are reluctant to do it. Possibly you are "non-confrontational" and perhaps a bit "co-dependant" in your relational nature. Neither of those are particularly healthy when one is in this type of situation.
He made rude comments about the worship and kept taking my focus. At the same time I can't find it in me to end things with him and I'm afraid that I may be stuck. I know in my heart that there is better out there for me and I deserve better (I've also been told this by friends as well) but I just can't end it. I'm afraid if I end it that he'll be too hurt and won't understand and that I won't find better out there for me and I'll just be alone.
First, his rude comments about worship tell you something about his commitment to Christ and his character. Do you want to be stuck with that the rest of your life? Do you want to constantly struggle against that (probably alone
) while trying to raise godly children? How long before you break and become more like Him?
You say first that you know that there is better out there but then later say you are afraid you won't find that better one. Are you depending upon yourself or are you depending and resting upon the Lord? You certainly won’t find better while connected to "sir jerk"!
So until you end that connection you will self-fulfill this little prophecy. Gideon’s quote of Matthew is very appropriate IMHO.
Sweet lady, as others have noted here you should let this guy go and do it FAST. God has shown you a wonderful garden of flowers and told you that you may pick one. He warns you both to stay within the garden boundaries and that you should be careful because there are weeds (counterfeits) within the boundaries. Become enamored with a flower outside of God’s boundary and it will likely consume your life and choke out your faith. Become enamored with a weed (counterfeit) and it also will consume your life and choke your faith. But should you take your time and carefully
chose one planted, pruned, and nourished by the Lord you will find a relationship which challenges you to continue in the pleasing aroma of God’s grace, mercy and love. A few thorny stems but always some very lovely fruit!
From what you’ve said and your friend’s advice as well, you are choosing a weed. Perhaps your rejection of him will drive him from the church. If so, that will be his choice and not your fault.
Perhaps your rejection of him will finally show him that one can place God first in their life and challenge him to take clear steps closer to God. What’s most important here is your relationship with God and whether you will be obedient to Him doing things His way and placing your full trust in Him or shall you trust yourself and do it your way. One way is narrow and often hard. The other is quite broad and a great deal easier. One way leads to blessing….the other to disaster.
Choose today whom you will serve…. (Joshua 24:14-15)