We are to present our wife holy and blameless to Christ. We are called to understand the deeper parts of our wife; her wounds, her desires, her heart. Here are few places to start:
Know her favorites: Food, restaurant, color, dessert, flower, house style, movie, actor, actress, magazine, dog/cat/animal type, etc. She may not have many favorites that she knows of but you can help her figure those out.
Know her dislikes: Know the antithesis of her favorites. I once wanted to buy my wife flowers and coouldn't remember what her favorite flower was. So I remember she said something about a particular flower at the store. I bought those and was so proud of myself. When I brough them home her jaw dropped. It was the flowers that she disliked the most! Know what she doesn't like as well.
What city would she most like to live in?
What car would she love to own? Dream car.
How many kids would she like to have?
How many broken bones has she had?
What are all the places she has lived and when?
Who was her favority teacher?
Who was her best friend growing up?
What are her pet-peeves?
What does retirement look like for her?
Do you ever go on a date and sit across from each other without talking? This is a good sign that you are comforatable with each other and many people brag about this. However, if this is happening because you don't have anything to talk about then start with the list above and search the answers for her heart.
It will take a lifetime of marriage to really truly know your wife. Which is a good thing because, for most of us, we will have alot of time with them.
When you get the answers to her questions, write them down! It may seem a little creepy but you could create a word document on your computer with your wife's name as the name of the doc. Add to it every week.
I have the worst memory so I send emails to myself with my wife's name in the subject line and a note about what I need to remember about her. If I can not remember her favorite restaurant, since it changes alot, then I will do a search for "Melissa flower" and voila, I have the answer.
A warning to some of you men. You may ask her about her favorites and she says she does not have a favorite. Then talk about the top 5 or 10. She may not have a favorite car that she knows of but it gives you guys something to talk about. Draw things out of her. Some women wear their emotions on her sleeve. Some need to be drawn out. They need to be pursued.
Women love to be pursued! Trust me. Read a book called Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge if you don't believe me. This exercise is all about pursuing her. She may be withdrawn and is suspect about why you want to know everything about her, especially if you have been a jerk in the past, maybe she thinks you will use it against her in the future. For example, if you ask her about her pet-peeves then in a few months, if the old self starts popping up, you use that to press her buttons.
She will be giving part of herself to you in these conversations so it may take a while for her to open up. Be patient and watch her fall in love with you again.