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Ok, so I have read some of the every man's series and have been trying eye bouncing for a while. I'm guessing this is a common struggle among men, so I need some advice from those who have conquered this area. I don't think what I struggle with is lust, but just when I see a pretty girl I feel that emotion the book talks about. I'm not thinking of undressing her or anything, but it does affect my relationship because I will inevitably start comparing between them and my girlfriend, soon to be fiancé. I've been doing the eye bouncing thing, but am really completely worn out by it!

For instance, I go to the gym regularly and I am eye bouncing there. Went to a track meet, I am eye bouncing. Today, I was watching a movie, the girl wasn't inappropriately dressed or anything she was just pretty. So I am eye bouncing there. After a while I feel like those Pharisees who walked around running into things because they had their eyes closed for fear of lusting. I really just feel tired of the eye-bouncing. I just want to only be attracted to one person, and stop having to follow a rule. That's really what it feels like now. Does anyone have any advice or am I stuck with eye-bouncing for the rest of my life? I want to be able to see and attractive person and think, "wow, she's pretty. But Im perfectly happy with what God has given me. ". Instead of viewing every female who is attractive as an enemy.

Like certain other other bad habits, excessive eye bouncing can lead to blindness.

I'm reading between the lines here; "soon to be fiancé" caught my eye.
It's a status I am unfamiliar with....

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Behold, now is "THE ACCEPTABLE TIME,"
behold, now is "THE DAY OF SALVATION" --
The apostle Paul, NASB

It means I'm about to propose to her.
And eye- bouncing means you look at something else when a pretty girl catches your eye.

Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. I can't comment on
the eye thing (I was joking about blindness). It sounds neurotic to me, but some here encourage
this kind of thing so I better leave it at that.

_________________
Behold, now is "THE ACCEPTABLE TIME,"
behold, now is "THE DAY OF SALVATION" --
The apostle Paul, NASB

That sounds spot on to me. One thing I know, that the attempt to keep 'eye-bouncing' in the flesh will lead after a while to a kind of discouraged exhaustion. It can be made to sound oh so spiritual, but I've never found that it brings me any closer to Jesus. A determination to look at everyone in a godly way, and to keep repenting and refusing condemnation as and when necessary, seems to me to be a much more productive way of going about things.

Exactly it is very exhausting. And for mr it becomes judgmental and I almost view women as an enemy. I guess I just need to keep praying that I will grow more and more content with the girl I have, and not compare others to my future wife.

It's a biological thing, you have a Y chromosome. Your brain gets a daily dose of Testosterone. This has all sorts of implications.

But more to the point, is temptation sin? No. Is it lust? You've said it's not? Males are by nature drawn to females. It's a biological imperative. But, we are to control that. Everyone develops their own stratagem. I know a guy who takes one of his kids with him every time he has to run to the local convenience store. Why? Because they also sell pornographic magazines. I knew a guy who had to stay off the computer at home for six months. Why? So he wouldn't read the personals and go to porn sites. I know a guy, and I've known him since 2nd grade, who says he remembers what his wife means to him...me, I admire the beauty, then pray for her salvation. I'll tell you something, I can't have lustful thoughts and pray at the same time.

The thing is, you have to get with a bunch of Christian guys. And not necessarily someone you own age. A good men's group have quite an age range. say from 18 to whatever age is considered old nowadays. (I heard that fifty is the new thirty.)

So as long as you're a male, you may have to deal with it. But you do not need to deal with it alone. In fact, I'd venture to say you can't deal with it on your own, and you weren't meant to. None of us were. That's one of the benefits of a church with a men's group. Fellowhip, prayer, some study in the word, with brothers in the lord, that love you for who you are, and will, to the best of there ability to do so, help you out of whatever jam you're in. And if it get's really intense, and you feel like you need to talk about certain more revealing things, and you have no men's group, or just want more input, we have a private men's discussion area, which is hidden from the rest of the forum, a members only group.

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MikeC1956
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know that your sin will find you out. Numbers 32:23b NET

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"I'll tell you something, I can't have lustful thoughts and pray at the same time."
 
And the rest of the last post is 24-carat gold, as well.

On the flip side to Mike's post, Job seemed to advise a personal measure of restraint:

Job 31:1 1 “I made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I entertain thoughts against a virgin? Context (NET)

So I think there is some balance to the situation - not to put ourselves in compromising situations we know that we are susceptible to but not to put a veil over our eyes. I once tried living like a hermit but realized I need to trust in God's grace

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Hmm... advising 'balance' can often sound so wise, but what's really being proposed here? Not walking into strip clubs, or not walking down the street? The former isn't really the issue, and about the latter, I think there can be no 'balance' that isn't actually a capitulation to the flesh.
 
Sorry of that sounds a bit aggressive, Derek, and it's not aimed in that way at you personally!

Thanks for your responses. I agree that I need to get in a men's group. I guess it's not excuse, but I just don't feel like I fit with the young adult crowd. I truly want to get into a mens group of older men who have fought the battle and won, to share in their wisdom. I really wish I could get to the point where I'm not even attracted to anyone but my wife. Is that in the Lord's will? I just don't understand why he made it for us to be so visually stimulated?! I'll just keep praying, get in a group, and by Gods grace get over this thing. Thanks again guys.

I'm not so sure it is. We are made to appreciate beauty, but commanded not to covet what doesn't belong to us. I think that's what walking in the Spirit will look like.

Excellent point about the coveting... I completely missed that connection. Which by the way js, is another reason for getting into a group situation. We seldom see what is sometimes oh so clear to someone else.

_________________
MikeC1956
Asst Admin

know that your sin will find you out. Numbers 32:23b NET

Statement of beliefs
Code of Conduct
The Bible NETwork Blogs
The NeXt Bible Learning Environment
BeneSHOP: Help support Bible.org at no additional cost to you when you shop!

fides quarens intellectum, credo ut intelligam
faith seeking knowledge, believe to understand

all quotations are by bible translation indicated.

Thats the first I have heard it called it like that here in the south we have a saying "You just being like a Old Dog", But like some say we all have a grudge match when it comes to this unless you are not male, some of us have more self control in this area than others..

There are practical steps a man and his wife can take to deal with this. About 30 years ago circumstances required sharing a home with some of my wife's family. It was an unusually hot year. There was a swimming pool right outside our bedroom window and a very beautiful sister of my wife spent a lot of time there in a bikini.

I simply took the practical step of pointing out to my wife that I needed some extra attention. My wife could see out the window too and I got the extra attention. It was one of the greatest summers I have ever had and the temptation was effectively neutralized.

Such a practical step does not replace spiritual measures, but is a legitimate part of the fight to stay right.

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