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If you can remember the time frame that you were dating your now wife as well as recall the enthusiasm you had at being together. After one, ten or twenty years plus, what have you done to maintain a healthy marriage?

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"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." ~Abraham Lincoln

Submission is a big reason for our very happy marriage. My wife submits to me, and I to her.

"...submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." - Ephesians 5:22

This submission is voluntarily done out of love. I do not force my wife to submit, nor she me.

In what ways to do I submit to my wife? Well, for one thing, I go see the doctor when I'm not feeling well, or just for my annual checkup. Something I didn't do as a bachelor (...it's a "guy thing"). After all...

"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." - 1 Corinthians 7:4

If Christ served His disciples (John 13), then I'm happy to serve my wife, and she me.

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Andrew Bernhardt
"Salvation costs me nothing. Discipleship costs me everything."
my homepage / my blog

Do things that make her look respected, treated well, and valued in front of her friends, sisters, and other family members, and she'll be putty in your hands and like it that way. Who wouldn't be inclined to treat someone well who treats them that way?

By the way, that means helping at home some, so she can tell others "my husband does that."

Of course, that approach involves training the man.

And staying out of debt, having some money put aside, living within your means, really removes a tension point.

I've been married more than 35 years.

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Cobra (the car, not the poisonous reptile)
all scripture is NRSV unless otherwise noted

We have turned to each other in difficult times rather than to another. We had our 30th anniversary last December and we still make each other laugh. We also like to cuddle (etc.)

Our goal is to serve the Lord together and we help each other do just that. She helps me with the presentation outline of my sermon - and I help her with her children's lessons. We are a team - teaching God's Word. I get those from 7th grade up - she takes those from Kindergarten through 6th grade. (She also gets the middle and high schoolers when there are not that many children.

We almost lost each other in the last few years and that made our time all that much more precious.

John

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"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Gal 5:6b

Pastor John C. Blackburn

Thank you kindly for sharing. I see two results from this.

1.) If there's any question to men that marriage is easy, the answer is that "it can be", but usually isn't (unless we're following the examples you graciously pointed out in scripture).

2.) I personally take this as an encouragement. All too often I find myself content with doing "the right thing", when I need to do the humble thing. There can be more than one right way to do something, but there's usually a better right way over the others.

I'm away from the house eleven hours a day (commuting two of them). I've grown weary of what seems to never end at needing to be accomplished. Loving my wife has gotten harder to see (by actions taken), though hasn't changed. All the stresses of finance, work, meeting the demands of two wonderful boys we have, and serving at our local church. I don't mind it being difficult. I'm so fortunate/blessed to have these opportunities. I sincerely appreciate your comments.

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"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." ~Abraham Lincoln

Just celebrated my 20th year with my lovely bride. The biggest advice I give often is pray with each other for each other out loud often. By often I mean at least 3 or 4 days out of the week. The ideal is every day. If done this will require conversation (which she needs from you) where both are truly listening to each other.
For instance: my wife comes home and says, "The new project I'm leading has major issues and I may have to put in a lot of overtime for a couple of weeks." Then she follows that with some of her specific problems/needs in that project. That evening before we retire I pray with her and say out loud in my prayer, "Lord, Please help my wife with (specific issues spoken about earlier) and give her the wisdom she needs to handle her personnel issues and troubles in this project. Please protect her and keep her safe and alert as she works this project and help her to catch up on the deadlines ...."

Another thing which is necessary IMO is to continue to date your wife. Take her out occasionally and not just on those special days. Show her she's special everyday!

Blessings,
Randy

Yup, I pray for my wife also, especially in areas of her weaknesses. I also pray for myself, asking God for the ability to love her more (and I've found that He always answers that prayer in the affirmative). My model is always "as Christ loved the church".

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Andrew Bernhardt
"Salvation costs me nothing. Discipleship costs me everything."
my homepage / my blog

Gents,

First of all, I wanted to offer thumbs-up-props to the old-heads (meant respectfully I assure you!) simply for the fact that a couple of you have been married longer than I have been breathing. Nice... inspiring and nice to hear it's possible in this day and age.

I've been married to a woman whose eyes God has properly scaled... if she knew me like I knew me, and if she saw herself like I saw her... she would know how out of my league she is. I said that to say part of the reason our marriage works is that we hold each other in high regard. I continue to try and earn her love and affection, like I did when we were dating.

Somebody once said that women's major complaint after "I do" is that we stop trying to win their hearts. Like we achieved that goal, had it mounted and put on the wall, then kick back in the recliner thinking we can tap that victory whenever we want. I make it a point to see my wife as a woman of great value and I try to win her heart - I wish I could say every day, but truth be told I'm not that on top of it - as often as possible.

Anyway... this was my first post on this board. The first of what I hope will be many... Looking forward to getting to know you all better.

All the best!

DJ

First and foremost my wife and I are best friends. She was and always will be my sweetheart. That said we still try to get out for date nights, or as is the case most often anymore we go out on a saturday afternoon. That way we do the matinees at the theater and miss the crowds.

I would have to say that talking has been our strong point. My wife and I talk about everything and anything that is on our minds at the time. I do tend to be the "quiet type" or "thinker" and she does have to pry things out of me at times, but conversation is a strong link in our relationship. It helps that I married my best friend. She and I are like "peas and carrots." (Forest Gump) We developed a very strong friendship before we even realized we were interested in each other as a "mate."

My wife and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary last May, and while we use many of the things mentioned above I offer 2 more that have impacted our relationship over the years as best friends and as a marital couple.
1. I ask her what she's thinking about and just listen.
2. I open up and tell her things I'm afraid of, letting down the walls.
I know that I am safe talking to her about "ANYTHING". I know that I wont be chastised when I share a fault, but will be heard and Loved.

Grace and Peace
Robert

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My wife and I will be married for 35 years on August 16th. My parents will be married 60 years the same day. They are both still alive, married and still very much in love (as I am with my wife).

I asked her to step into my study and read the OP before I replied. We together suggest:

Have plenty of dates. We go out together as often as we can afford it.

My wife mentioned keeping in touch during the day. I am home most of the day right now. I call her at about 3:00 pm to check on anything I need to know about before starting dinner. I would not have thought that important, but my wife did.

We hold hands a lot.

My wife is (53) is not exactly the same shape as when we married Aug. 16th 1975. She has some gray hairs among the red, but she is still the sexiest woman in the world as far as I am concerned, and I know some very beautiful women. I often remind her that she is the sexiest woman in the world. The nice thing for me is that I actually mean it.

We often work together on dinner. I am a quite competent cook, as is she. In fact I used to have a culinary ministry among the churches. Churches would sometimes call me in for a first rate banquet for 12 or dinner for 150. Often my wife and I will work together on dinner. She knows that when I ask her how is this or that I mean it. I don't just want "It is great!" on every occasion. She can adjust the seasoning without offense.

My favorite thing is still passion. I will not go into a lot of detail here, but things are still as hot after 35 years as 35 days.

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john.hopkins1954 at Skype
jhhopkins1954 at Microsoft Live Messenger
johnharoldhopkins@comcast.net

If you do not mind me asking, how do you continue to view your wife as the prettiest person alive? The reason I ask is this is a struggle of mine that I alluded to in an earlier thread I created on eye-bouncing. I sometimes find myself comparing my soon to be wife with others. I also have sort of a fear of my wife stopping caring what her appearance is. I realize the problem lies within me and am wondering how you honestly view your wife as the most beautiful person alive even after say 60 years of marriage?

Good point about pretty.

Please note that I did not say that she is the "prettiest woman alive". I said that she is the sexiest woman alive to me. The prettiest woman alive may well be Megan Kelly, news anchor on Fox News from 10 am till noon pacific time.

Pretty and sexy are not the same thing.

By the way it is my parents who will be married 60 years on August 16th. We will only be at 35.

We were going to get married on the 9th, but on my way home from Alaska Patrol with the Coast Guard just before the wedding we had to dash out to the middle of the pacific to make a rescue so we had to put it off for a week. That put our wedding on my parents' 25th anniversary.

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john.hopkins1954 at Skype
jhhopkins1954 at Microsoft Live Messenger
johnharoldhopkins@comcast.net

Ok, I just meant how do you maintain that? Even as the years go by?