The Bible NETWork ~ Impacting the World for Christ one post at a time!

jatfla, may God bless in your continued doing the right thing even though it is not pleasant.

I look back on the care that my wife gave both our mothers, I know there is a calm pleasure in knowing we did the right thing even when it wasn't pleasure at the time.

_________________
Cobra (the car, not the poisonous reptile)
all scripture is NRSV unless otherwise noted

Jatfla

my mum had alzheimers, and so I was unable to care for her when my dad died .... it broke my heart. I am still burdened with the guilt of not caring for her when she needed me the most. Though, I still cannot see how I could have done it .... but oh, I so wish I could have.

The grief when your mum dies will be hard to bear, yet if you have been blessed to be able to care for her, even if it is for a little while, you will find that grief easier to bear.

The thing is, this is not all there is .... what we have waiting for us is so, so much more than than we can imagine .... if this is not so, then the Bible tells us lies.

Henri Nouwen had it all, a thriving career as an author, the recognition of his peers, and satisfying work in a university, yet he gave it all away to spend time being the full time carer for a profoundly disabled man. Philip Yancy tells that even to the day of his death, Nouwen considered this period of his life as the most satisfying.

I know it will be hard for you, yet I also know that if you can trust God to do it, He can make this time one of the most satisfying periods of your life.

I will keep praying for you

your sister in Christ

Dinah

_________________
Forum Code of Conduct
Forum Statement of Beliefs

It's a great responsibility.

Lots of hard decisions.

My wife damaged her shoulder, while caring for her late mother: caring which she did gladly.

_________________
Read the Bible prayerfully.For a wealth of sound theology, go to John 3:16.
(My wife and I are very much in love, by the way.)
I don't like extremes of temperature. I don't like extremes among preachers. People maybe think I'm extreme.But never mind about me
A true Christian is different, and the world will notice the difference.Even your tattoo, if it's faith related, it's different!

HA!!! I can't believe the posts are still here! It's been 2 yrs.!! and I'm still at it.

dc....as I re-read your comments about your Mom's Alzheimers, it made me sad that you would feel guilty about putting her in a Home. In that state, especially as it progresses, everyone needs Help!

My Mom is still with me and apart from not being able to walk or stand, she is pretty healthy. Praise God that we can put some of her Social Security money towards morning help from Elder Services who come and bath her, dress her, and fix her bed....usually ( ) each morning. We have a wonderful lady who comes on weekends (usually) who I pay for.

Husband has been the very best encourager and supporter. He takes her to the doctor when needed and we, occasionally, take her out to eat. She is too much for me to take on my own. That being said, I have become waaaaay too bitter and resentful of the all-consuming responsibility and Husband usually gets the brunt of it. He understands where it's coming from and gives me grace. However, he has *suggested* putting her in a nursing home, but her mind & health are too good to do that. Honestly, I feel trapped now and pretty much live in self-pity & depression. Not good; I pray for a better attitude all the time.

Little G-daughter is 4 now and should be starting Pre-K this month as school begins. Daughter is/has been slow about getting her in a class, but on this I plan to stand firm. It's time and I've got to get out from under some of this responsibility.

Talk about the Grace of God?!!! I can't believe I've been doing this for 20+ yrs. One day at a time has taken on a whole new meaning. It's a wonderful thing that God is the only One who is Omniscient because we don't need to know what lies ahead. If I had known, I wonder if I would have done all this.

I hope more people will share their stories. I'll check back in another 2 years. (just kidding

Please don't let it be 2 years ... we miss you too much!

The funny thing is, that I still do feel guilty but I have learned to live with my guilt, and to hand it over to God every time it reappears... I have discovered that there is nothing else that can be done with it, and God is endlessly faithful ....

As you have also proven in your own situation.

Please keep fighting against your feelings of resentment and self-pity as they will eat you up alive .... with these also, run to God and give them all up to Him.

Sacrificing yourself in this life never makes any sense - unless - this life is all there is. But if you really believe that this life is only the beginning, the training ground ... or as C.S.Lewis put so well ..."school" ... then everything becomes more bearable, because the end is in sight. One problem I think, is that the rewards that are promised are so lavish, we have trouble believing them.

It is the one great advantage of living with a disability ... you learn to long for heaven, for the new body we have all been promised, and you learn to hang on, to live just each day, one step at a time ... because that is all we can cope with.

But by the sound of it, these are lessons you have been learning too. Take heart, these are God's own training program in Christlikeness.

Please let me know what else is going on in your life, we need to catch up.

Christ's love to you

Dinah

_________________
Forum Code of Conduct
Forum Statement of Beliefs

Hi D....I knew you would find me.

Guilt. Isn't it awful? I really work hard to file it under "Human Frailty". God knows my heart and how I'm beating down the Flesh that rises up. I LOVE the verse that says "He knows our frame and we're but dust". He understands the battle. I think the guilt comes from our *Spirit* driven desire to serve selflessly...but it's still not in us. We're still in the war between the Spirit and the Flesh.

While I will always struggle with doubts I still try to press on, believing the Scriptures which tell us that, in the End, it will have been worth it and He will be please with us and there will be a reward for our perseverance. Works Salvation, no; Works/Obedience Reward, yes. Please tell me if you (or others) believe I am wrong on this point.

The resentment issue is constant. I could be living a *real* life. But nothing in Scripture gives me the right to demand anything. Flesh against the Spirit again. :~(

I know that we're not the only ones who are struggling. I hope others will chime in. I don't believe for a minute that MANY are not battling the self-Will verses the desired-will. And it certainly isn't restricted to caring for family members. It's LIFE!

I know this thread is older than dirt , But I hope to shed some light as to this ...I have my mother-in-law who lives with us and my 47 yr old sister-in law as well the sister-in-law she is totally disabled and needs 24-7 care..And I have the best wife not only is she taking care of them and she runs her on business that deals with the disabled and taking care of there needs , I had to quit work 2 yrs ago do to my health and i help her with her in whatever needs to be done ..But bottom line here is you would hope when its you there will be that caring person around to help you also that there would be family there for you..

And I am in no way saying this about y'all but we all know that when it comes to this type of concerns there are people are not going to step up to the plate and give up there life's for this..Sometimes we have to make the decision to put them in a nursing home and nothing wrong with this as long as you make weekly visit to see to them ifs its only for a short visit with them I understand with work and so some have to make hard decisions as to doing this and I completely understand..Life's hard and I tell people deal with it that's what family should do for one another ..But we all know that's not always going to happen..This is a interesting topic i would like to hear any of you out there in the same situation as we can give each other support in this area..

Eeyore...my friends give me pictures and cards with your name on them!!! He speaks of my temperament so we probably have a lot in common. However, your post makes me ashamed to even comment on my problems. At least I only have a Mom and G-daughter. My most serious struggle is with wanting to have my life back. You know....that life that was able to do what it wanted! I completely recognize that it's alllllll about the big "I". God tells us that it's not about us but about others. Sigh. Thank you for posting.

Oh my gosh! 2 yrs. later!! Mom died in July at 81. It was very difficult as I had to make unpleasant decisions at the end. My regrets are that I wish my heart had been more tender and not so angry. Hopefully she never knew how I really felt. But I persevered and Husband was very supportive and patient. Also Littlest G-daughter is in Kindergarten so our home is pretty quiet. This is the time I've waited for....it seems like...forever. NOW I seem to be having stress-related health issues!! Why Now?? How ironic. After it's all over. :~/ Trying to deal with it and hoping to get back with my tennis and more Bible studies with my Church family.

Hoping that our children never have to go through what we have but I KNOW that parental caregiving is a God ordained responsibility and we can't pretend it's not. As we have discussed in the thread, that looks different in each family situation. To anyone who is there now and struggling -- the saying "one day at a time" has to be your mantra. Also, going to God and asking forgiveness keeps you humble and dependent.

I'm Sorry to hear about your Mom Jetfla..I'm sure if she could she would show her appreciation for all you did for her..God Bless...