I've had a rough relationship in the past with my father. My mom divorced my dad while I was in middle school, and my stepmother left him for the same reasons my mother did. My stepmother and father have since reconciled and my dad has admitted he has a problem with verbal abuse and was going to Christian counseling, but I don't think he goes anymore.
I am now 27 years old and married, and am really struggling with my relationship with my father. Frankly, right now i don't really even want to be around him or speak to him. I guess I would best describe it as he insists on still "parenting" me. It seems like I can't talk to him for 5 minutes without being subjected to a speech on how I should be doing things.
I have been unemployed since March, and although I have a good degree it's just tough to find a job right now. I have been praying for God to open doors and to put me in the job that He wants me to have. My wife has a decent job, and we have some savings, so we haven't been desperate, but we can't live on her salary indefinitely. Since I haven't had much luck in finding a job near my home, I looked a little near our hometown, because I had some networking contacts there. I had an interview that went really well, and am anticipating a job offer. They haven't hired someone for this position in 20 years, and expect it to be a career position for the person they hire. I really didn't try that hard for the interview, so I feel like it had to be God's hand in granting me the opportunity. My wife and I don't really want to move right now. We're both happy in our home, love our church, and my wife loves her job, but we have both decided to be obedient to God and go wherever he provides an opporturnity. When I even mentioned to my dad that I had an interview there, he told me that it is a fantastic company to work for, and I would be stupid not to take the job because I didn't want to move. He then told me where I should look for a house, and where I should go to church, etc. Thinking of living that close to my dad again is not very appealing.
I guess my question is, what is the relationship between me and my dad supposed to be like right now. He contsantly tells me that a fool doesn't listen to the counsel of his father (Pr. 15:5), but I don't really think his advice is that sound. He is in bankruptcy, has had one failed marriage, and one that isn't going great, my sisters will barely talk to him. I understand he has been around the block a few times, but it is hard to really listen to someone who hasn't figured out how to get out of the hole their in, especially when he wants to tell me how to manage my finances and how to have a successful marriage.
I've tried to tell him that when I got married, I left the family unit over which he has authority (Gen 2:24), and it's my responsibility to lead my family now, not his. But he keeps calling me a fool and quoting "Honor your father", and Pr. 15:5.
I want to have a healthy relationship with my dad, he's the only living parent I have left, and I love him and like to be around him, just not when he's treating me like a child. His speeches are also wearing on my wife, and I can tell that she is beginning to be a little embittered by him. I know that my first relationship is to God, then to my wife, so I'm just considering not being around my dad to keep him from hurting my marriage.
Is there a Biblical model for a healthy adult child-parent relationship, or something I can share with dad so that we can repair our relationship. Or am I just completely in the wrong here, and he is right?