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Praise God, i need spiritual advice. i have been praying for a wife. i told God the kind of wife i want and characters that my wife should have. A friend introduced me to a sister to help her grow deeper in the things of God. while doing this, i saw all the things and characters i asked God for in a wife.I took her picture to my own sister to show her and my sister told me she had a dream of my wife and the woman on the picture has physical similarities. This woman people have said we look alike.
But she was married before with two daughters. she has been divorce for almost two years before i knew her. According to her and that led to the divorce, her former husband cheated on her, was sleeping out of the home for two to three days come home with not explanation. she worked while the husband goes to school. when it comes time of graduation , the husband did not tell her about his graduation and took another mistress to his graduation. she found out by one of her friend that called and asked her where are you? t, your husband is graduating today and he is here with another woman. she still sit in the home with the husband. on her second pregnancy, while she was at home and the former husband was home also, one of the husband mistress walked into the house and fought with her and kicked her pregnant stomach. the police came and the husband denied he doesn't knows the woman but had possessions of the woman document in her drawer in the room. The police told the sister to live for her safety. that how the divorce came in.
should i marry this woman. i am praying and i am fun of her and i love the kids. the kids doesn't know their father and the father is not involve in the kids lives. he doesn't come to see them or call to check on them. present age: one is age 3 and the other is 1

you will not find an answer to this Q on a forum -- discuss the matter with your pastor

my pastor told me to pray about it. that why i asking advice and counseling from other pastors.

pastors please write on my thread

There is really not enogh info here to answer your question. Frankly this forum is not given to such things since no one here knows you or your lady personally.

This statement raises my radar a bit. It would not make me say you shouldn't marry her but it would make me question the foundation of your "ministry" to her. I wonder, would it raise questions for others?

All the other issues you've raised about her past marriage are issues that need to be handled in solid pre-marital Christian counseling should you choose to take your relationship further.

It seems to me that there is more here than what you've written. Why do you ask this question? What is it that you fear you are missing? It seems you are presenting a woman who is a believer and who also is interested in you. Why are you balking?

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Blessings,
Randy
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the reason why am asking is because of what people are saying it not a good idea to marry a divorcee and with kids. And what did bible talks about in this situation. A divorce woman and a virgin woman. i want to hear what others beside my friends has to say. Yes i am interested in her and her kids.

So far as what you've revealed here I see no scriptural reason that prohibits marriage here. There are some possible cultural issues that your friends advice may possibly be based upon. Again I would recommend very solid Christian based pre-marital counseling before the nuptuals. Some of that counseling should include the correction of the children and just who has authority to do so.

As far as her virginity is concerned this is a non-issue IMO. However, if her being a virgin is important to you for some reason, then you obviously have a bit of re-thinking to do. IMO the ideal is for both a man and a woman to be sexually pure coming into a marriage. As a pastor, I have sadly yet to see that ideal happen.

I have another question. Are you a virgin? If not, then why do you require this of your future spouse and not yourself? Would this be a "double-standard"? If your answer is that you've made mistakes in the past I would wonder why grace for you and not her?

Is this woman older than you? If so, how much and is this a possible reason for your friends cautioning you? There is a surprizingly high rate of divorce among those remarried. Much higher than those married for the first time. Possibly because the first divorce sets the bar for the next marriage a bit lower.

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Blessings,
Randy
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Matt, marriage is a blessing, but it is also challenging and difficult in the most ideal of circumstances. So is parenting. Just speaking in practical terms, I think marriage is likely to be more difficult if the man or the woman has had a previous partner. It is further complicated if there are children from a previous union. It becomes more difficult if the previous marriage ended in divorce, and even more so if the other parent of the children is still living. Statistically, second marriages are more likely to end in divorce if there are children from a previous marriage. This may be what your friends have in mind when they tell you it's not a good idea to marry a divorcee with children.

In marriages such as the one you're contemplating, the children from the previous marriage typically never regard the new parent as their 'real' parent. In other words, there is a strong likelihood that this woman's children will never regard you as their 'father.' In fact, there is a strong possibility they will resent you, even though they may seem to like you now. And they may reject your parental authority, which could make parenting something of a nightmare for you and cause continuous conflict in the marriage relationship. Mothers of children from a previous relationship tend to defend their children in situations of conflict between them and the new man in the house.

Then there is the question of what is in the best interests of the children, which should be a primary concern to you. While it might seem at first blush that the children would be better off with a new 'father,' that is often not the case. Instead of providing the children with a 'normal' and healthy home environment, the remarriage is a often a source of continuing conflict and emotional difficulties for them. And if the marriage produces more children, it is very possible there will be conflict between them and the children from the first marriage.

These are practical considerations that will probably be greatly amplified if you are a young man or less than financially secure. In all honesty, if I had a son considering such a marriage, I would do my best to dissuade him. I would want him to have the best marriage and family possible, and I would want to spare him the grief that I know he would likely be facing. All this is not to say that the marriage you're contemplating could not work out beautifully for all concerned, but the odds are not in your favor.

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"The person who has my commandments and obeys them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and will reveal myself to him." (John 14:21)

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I'll not make any of my own suggestions, however, I will agree with Gideon to the extent that these conditions may be more true to older children. Since you are indicated children at the age of 1 and 3, then these concerns may not be as warranted. There is no question that you have many things to consider and the mother must consider that her children are vital to her, but she's to place you before them and God before you.

I certainly hope they you both will have considered this option only if you're going into it as a covenant before God that is to last throughout your entire life. If you both can commit to that, then it would seem you have a starting point. Such a commitment does suggest that you live your lives accountable to God and have given your lives to Him first.

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"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." ~Abraham Lincoln

Agreed.

_________________
"The person who has my commandments and obeys them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and will reveal myself to him." (John 14:21)

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I am not a virgin. She is four years older than.

I have been praying about this. Children especially the 3 years old was young when they separated. She doesn't know thefather per say and the father did not come around or even try to establish a relationship with her. The one year old is born outside the seperation and the guy diesnlt even know hiw she looks like. Since this relationship started and both of us are praying. One night in my sleep i heard scriptures but didn't registered the book but remembered the numbers/verses. These are the verses 5:24-26. Pls help me study them. I decided to read from Genesis to Revelation looking for those numbers. I found them in judges, isaiah, ephesians, jerimiah, job etc. Pls join me pray and seek the face of God on this issues. All i need my life is God's perfect will. I want God's final saying wheather she is my wife and i am her husband. she is believe and has qualities of a virteous wife as proverb 31:10-end says and she really wants to work for God.

I think that you've been given some very good things to think about already, and I hope you WILL think about it.

I would offer the following:

I was disturbed from your very first post by your starting out with, "i have been praying for a wife. i told God the kind of wife i want and characters that my wife should have."

First of all, I find it more than a little self-centered and arrogant for you to be "telling" God what characteristics your wife should have. Your saying what you did indicates to me that it may be far more YOUR will that you want instead of HIS.

Secondly, and very related to the above - I think that what you need to be FAR more concerned about is that of you BEING the right person yourself, rather than you FINDING the right person.

Thirdly, I think you're putting far too much confidence in both your own and other people's dreams. Personally, I would NEVER base serious thoughts of marrying someone on the basis of what I or someone else dreams.

Fourthly - You say your pastor told you to pray about this. What ELSE did he say?

As to whether or not you should marry her - I don't know. Neither does anyone else here. As has already been said - That's something that only intensive pre-marital counseling can reveal. You VERY MUCH need to find a good counselor. And, understand this - I mean no disrespect, but that may not be your pastor.

Besides this, there's the reality that you're not just contemplating marriage; you're contemplating becoming a family all at once. The issues involved here are LARGE and SIGNIFCANT, and again, only intensive pre-marital counseling can help with this.




JR

I also have to confess that I'm confused by what you said about "a divorced woman and a virgin woman." Obviously, since she's had two children, she isn't a virgin; and you've admitted that you're not one either - so why even bring this up?
Are you asking for what the Bible says concerning divorce and re-marriage? If so, be aware that Christians are not in 100% agreement about this.



Jim

The bible talks about committing adultery when marry a divorce woman. will i be committing adultery to marry her?

plsease help me understand the scriptures that i posted.

PART ONE:

Matt, I noticed that, of all the things I wrote about, you chose to deal with what I believe is least important.

I find that kind of disturbing.

Nevertheless, here is a study that you may find helpful.
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On the Subject of Divorce and Remarriage:

When it comes to the subject/issue of divorce, there are a variety of opinions and views - even among sincere Christians. Some Christians/churches are very strict/hard about this; and they say it’s always wrong, no matter what the circumstances/situation is. Some even say/treat it as being “unforgivable”; and I know of people (you may too) who have been kicked out of churches because they were divorced — Even if they were the partner who didn’t want the divorce!!
Other Christians say divorce is allowable/permissible; but only for certain reasons/situations. And then, there are those who say “Hey! It’s no big deal”, no matter what the reason/situation is.

What can we find in God's word on this subject? Well, let's find out. For the sake of ease, I want to take this in a question-and-answer format:

First: Does the Bible ALWAYS condemn divorce — In terms of, “Does the Bible teach that divorce is a sin; a falling short/violation of God’s intention/standard?” The answer to that question is “Well...Yes”. God is the Author/Designer of marriage; and God’s desire/intention is that marriage be a permanent, lifelong bond. God wants people who get married to stay married. And so - yes - God does regard divorce as a sin. In Malachi 2:16, the Lord says, “I hate divorce”; and that’s a pretty clear/straightforward statement.

HOWEVER...: Does the Bible ALWAYS condemn divorce — In terms of , “Does the Bible condemn everyone who is divorced?”; I believe the answer to that question is “No”. From what I read in the scriptures, the Bible allows/permits divorce under certain conditions. Please note - I said allows/ permits, not encourages or promotes! There’s a BIG difference there.

Okay.....so let’s ask the obvious question: “Does the Bible ever permit divorce and remarriage for Christians?” I believe the answer to that question is “Yes”. Take your Bibles and turn to Matt. 19:3 - read what that says. This sounds a lot like our society today when it says “Divorce for any reason”; but there was more to it: Back then, you could divorce your wife for any reason…and I mean ANY!! If she burned your dinner; if she put too much salt in your food; if she talked to men in public (This is real - I am not making any of this up); if she said something nasty about your mother; or, if you just found someone prettier than she was — ANY of those reasons were “legitimate” grounds back then for the husband to get a piece of paper, and write “I divorce you”, and give it to his wife, and that was it. “Divorce for ANY and EVERY reason” was the popular view at this time.

Read vs. 4-6. Jesus, here is referring to the way God designed things “in the beginning”; and He says that God’s original intention was one man with one woman for life. Marriage was intended to be a permanent lifelong bond. In fact, I am told that the phrase “put asunder”/“not separate” literally means “no divorce” in the original language the Bible was written in.

Read vs. 7-8. Notice that Jesus said, “Moses DIDN’T command divorce; he PERMITTED it.” That’s important to remember. AND, the reason Moses PERMITTED it was because of “hardness of heart”. In other words, instead of being kind and loving and forgiving each other and working/ trying to keep the marriage together, people were unloving, unkind, selfish, and stubborn — and this made divorce inevitable. And so - because of people’s “hard hearts”/sinful natures - God, through Moses, allowed/permitted for divorce. “But”, Jesus says (verse eight), “it was not that way from the beginning.” In other words, divorce was never God’s original intention and plan. God wanted and God wants people who get married to stay married.

Okay.....so what we have so far is this: First, God is the Author/Designer of marriage; and He originally designed it to be a permanent, lifelong bond between one man and one woman. Second, while God did/does not encourage/promote divorce, He did/does allow/permit it under certain conditions.

Now.....Let’s move on to vs. 9 - read. “Marital unfaithfulness” = “Sexual immorality” = “Adultery” = “Fornication” (the word you have in your Bible depends on the version you’re using). Jesus says here that one thing that can break the marital bond and be a legitimate cause for divorce is sexual immorality/adultery. Again, I want you to notice — Divorce is not being commanded nor encouraged here; it is simply given as an option. It is not the only option; it is not necessarily the best option. If a person committed adultery, and then truly repented of it, I believe God’s desire would be for that person to be forgiven and restored, and have the marriage be rebuilt and healed — and I know of cases where that has happened.

But, if a spouse is guilty of sexual immorality, and has no intention of repenting nor of seeking God’s forgiveness; nor do they plan to seek forgiveness from their partner, nor plan to be faithful to him/her; then I believe that a divorce would be permitted/allowed. So…one “legitimate in the eyes of God reason” for divorce (although not necessarily recommended nor encouraged) is sexual immorality.

Go To Part 2.