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Hello Folks,

Last night after our wed. night bible study I had a member of our youth group approach me and said she needed to talk. She said she had talked with the youth pastor and his wife, but that they didn't really "get it" and she really needed to talk to me. We were able to chat for a few minutes.

She is a 13 year old girl. She was sexually abused by her father when she was younger (I'm not sure how old she was when it happened, but it was at least 5 or 6 years ago I think) and her father is now in prison for his crimes. She has never had any kind of serious counseling for this issue. She told me that she is very alone, that her friends have really kind of abandoned her, and that she feels like she doesn't fit in. Part of that is just simply being a 13 year old girl, but there are certainly some deeper issues that are plaguing her. She has some big self-esteem problems.

After we talked, I told her that I wanted to meet with her when we can really sit and chat. I scheduled a meeting with her for today, when she gets out of school. I talked with her mother (who is now remarried and goes to our church) and mom said it sounded like a great idea to talk with her, and that she really needs to talk to someone.

So...any advise going into this? I have done lots of drug and alcohol counseling, but I haven't really counseled this kind of situation before. I would really appreciate any advise/links/books that might help in this situation. Thanks and God Bless.

-Pastor Matt

Personally as a pastor who has had almost no professional training as a counselor dealing with such issues (though I've had to counsel in such situations numerous times) I tend to give referrals and simply provide pastoral care (immediate and ongoing) and try to provide resources. One particular place that I turn to often is Focus on the Family: Life Challenges because they have particular ministries that deal with these sorts of topics and as far as I'm concerned they offer the best helps I've found anywhere. They've been able to direct me both to local counselors, provide books, audio/video material, phone counseling or anything else I've needed whenever I've needed it. I would highly recommend contacting them and seeing what they might be able to suggest and or provide.

I guess the other things that I do is PRAY like crazy and meditate on the Scriptures and seek the Lord about what perhaps I should or shouldn't say. I would recommend specifically being careful with a female counselee especially in such a vulnerable situation and would say that the setting needs to be monitored by another female (perhaps sitting in the next room with a door open, or something like that...I also have my wife present for some of these...but she is a trained counselor...they just like talking to me because I'm actually the pastor).

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