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Hi There I have probably posted on the wrong part of the forum.I'm sorry but I'm desperate for advice.

My Husband is planting a Church, he is at present going to give it up in the next few weeks.
To be honest it is all my fault.
I work six or 7 days a week,to keep us fiancially; and we have absolutely no help at the Church, I'm physically exhausted.

However I've made my Husband's life a misery over it all.

I've had 3 miscarriages since we started which has made things a whole lot worse.

Our son needs a better life than we have for him, as all our spare time revolves around the Church.

There is no way the congregation will help in anyway we have appealed time and time again.

To be honest I am physically exhausted but my Husband is a gifted man, a great preacher and a great pastor, and I don't want to the cause of him leaving the ministry.

Just because the church plant is not working out does not mean your husband has to be done in the ministry. I would recommend though that the two of you figure out how to restore your own relationship prior to doing anything else in ministry. That is the clincher (in my mind). If you recognize you've been making your husband's life miserable then why don't you apologize and work at not doing that. That is certainly where I would think one should begin. Then figure out how to move ahead and work together as a couple (and then as parents) in whatever you are going to do next. I hurt for you and your family Gail. You are in my prayers as I write this.

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I seem to remember hearing Bill Wilson describe how several times over, he was about to leave the ministry. Each time, God did something quite privately and personally to keep them there.
 
That's not exactly a guarantee of the same thing happening for your husband, of course, but it is, I hope, encouragement that others before you have been in the same sort of straits that you and he are in at the moment. I suspect God has a purpose in bringing you to this point, though I don't pretend to know what it is! The main thing is that He is faithful.
 
I'll be praying for you, fwiw! God bless!

Hi, gailowens. After reading your post, I guess where I'm at is this:

From what you've written, I myself don't believe you need to feel like this is all your fault.

From your post, you've worked full time in support of both your husband and this venture. You've sacrificed time and energy and family and possibly personal health and welfare for him and for this project. You say you've not gotten any help from the church people, you've had three miscarriages, and I will suggest that the son you have may well grow up resenting the church because of what he's seeing it do to you and your husband.

Honestly, from what you write, I really don't think it's all your fault. I'm sure you have some responsibility in all this, but your husband does also. From what you write, I believe there may be merit to the idea of challenging him about his sacrificing you and your family (or at least allowing things to get to the point they are) for the sake of the project. Personally, I don't believe this project is worth sacrificing your marriage and family and health for. That may not be in agreement with what you've been taught or what you believe about being a church planter, but that's where I'm at.

The church people have a responsibility in all this too. If you've made multiple appeals for help, but are not getting any.....what does that tell you about these people? Is this "church" really worth what's happening to you and your family on all these levels?

I agree with the idea that you and your husband need to work on your relationship first. To be very honest with you, I think you may need couple's counseling. I also don't think that if your husband let's this project go, that HAS to mean that your husband HAS to leave pastoral ministry altogether. The one does not automatically follow the other.



JR

I agree with Jim and Anti on this Gail. You and your children are his first ministry. My wife is working full time while I minister in a small rural church. We struggle to carve out time for each other but we make it top priority. I will not sacrifice my wife or the spiritual health of my family on the alter of a successful church. The demands of a church must be controlled the same as the demands of any other job. Some ministers (which includes me) have a "work-aholic" nature and need to keep things in perspective. We turn off the phone for dinner (calls will wait for and hour or two). I make time during the week for the kids and I refuse to miss more than a coupe of games per season. My son & daughter need to see Dad in the stands rooting like a madman for them. We have family prayer usually at 9 in the evening everyone knows don't call us then.

Your husband may be making the right decision for now. work on your marriage and family together and get back into ministry when you are healthy. A sick physician shouldn't be doing surgery or he will place his patient in danger. The same is true of the Minister.
I too will pray for you both and your family.
Blessings,
Randy

Thank you so much for your wonderful advice.
I am so blessed that so many people cared, enough to write.

My Husband has suggested my son and I attend another Church, he runs his Church on his own.

Gail,
You and your husband need to get help from leadership in your fellowship/denomination immediately. This should definitely include counselling services provided for you both in order to work through this (apparently) significant problem.

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We are completely on our own, we have no denomination, leadership or anyone else to help.

My son and I are going to another Church this morning.

Gail,
I've not much time this morning but I will quickly say that this is a bad idea. You should worship as a family unit and not divided IMHO. There is much need for family and marriage counsel in your case and I believe that you both need to take a step back and re-establish your marriage relationship. The implications for your worship elsewhere are broad and not one of them are positive. Does your husband have a minister friend with whom he is close? Does he have a mentor in the faith? It seems he has taken a sort of "Lone Ranger" attitude and this can be very dangerous. Perhaps a respected minister or close friend who is a mentor in the faith should be called and talked to. I will pray for you, your husband, and son today.


Blessings,
Randy

One thing is clear, you need some relationships with people you can unburden to! What about the people who've spoken at your church conference? Older Christians you knew before you went church planting? Even <sharp intake of breath> mature believers in your own congregation (or isn't it that kind of group yet? ...or would that seem like a big no-no in any case?)

Gail

I agree, it is urgent that you and your husband go to Christian counsel ling ..... your husband has a wife and family, he is not free to act as a single man would.

in Christ

Dinah

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I agree with what's been already said - this may have the appearance of being a good idea, but I don't believe it actually IS. It is likely that this will just make things more complicated and worse. I'm not trying to increase your anguish about this whole thing, gail - honest, I'm NOT! But some years ago, I had a colleague in ministry who decided the same as what you guys are doing now, with him remaining in the church and his family going elsewhere. It was NOT a good decision. I don't see any possible way that the church people will not resent this...and YOU. And...with all due respect...I just can't believe that your husband won't resent it too. If he says he doesn't.....I'm sorry, but I'd have to consider that to be open denial.


Jim

Gail - Hope you stay in touch with us.


Jim

Thanks Jim and everyone for your support.

For the last two weeks my son and I have attended a local (I say local 10 miles away), a baptist Church.I found it ok, my son loves it they have great Children's ministry.
To be honest it's been nice to go to Church and not have someone start off loading their problems on you, the atmosphere was positive at this Church.Some of the people that attend my husband's Church find fault with everything, and could turn a pint of milk sour just by looking at it.

It was really nice just to focus on God.

My Husband has found a friend to take over his Church, and this will happen in the next few weeks. His friend is a godly man who has been an assistant Pastor, in another Church for years.
My Husband's congregation know and like this man emmensly.

Please continue to pray for us. I feel absolutely dreadful for my husband having to do this.If it were not for my son I would have been happy to continue, but it's impossible to work full-time in a job, home school my son, do Everything at the Church,my son was short changed.

I have read about many great preachers and some of them, their children have not come to know the Lord, and gone into other religions.
I feel it's no good having a successful Church if my son wants nothing to do with Jesus.

My Son was starting to resent My Husband's Church.

Thanks for listening.