You and your husband are obviously going through a very difficult time in your married life right now, and the first thing that I want you to know, is that I'm praying for both of you.
We dated for many years before getting married, but spent most of that time living in separate cities or states. After getting married in July of '07, we lived together in a small apartment. Once again, we are living in separate states because my husband is being transferred in May. I moved early to take possession of the house we bought and make it our home.
The seperations that you've been forced to endure can't be conducive to building a strong relationship, or a stable marriage. When my husband was active duty army for 10 yrs we also were seperated for many different and varied reasons ... Overseas deployment when he didn't have enough rank for us to get military housing, and his pay grade wasn't high enough for us to afford off base housing ... Being deployed in the field for 2 wks-60 days .... As well as, the long hours of duty in general. There is no easy or simple answer or remedy for this issue, but you are doing the right thing to pray, and ask for God's direction. Just don't forget to take the time while you're praying to listen for His direction. I know that this is the thing I most often forget about praying for an answer to some difficult question or for direction in my life at a difficult time ... I pray my heart out, but often forget that to receive an answer I must listen. Another thing that you mention is that you don't have a home church right now .... I know that this is the obvious answer or advice .... But get one ... And do this as soon as you can because you need to be able to receive counsel from a pastor, and/or be able to join a women's prayer/Bible study group. My small group (it was coed for married couples that Ray and I attended) was often my source of prayer, stability, and a place to seek counsel and advice from people who were older and wiser, or whoo had lived a similar experience.
Since being separated (now almost a month, with another 6 weeks to go), my husband is having great difficulty with his place in the world. He has come to the point of telling me that he is not sure that he loves me in the married way. He has come to fell that we are not each other's soul mate and that God is telling him that we should separate as there are other plans for us.
This all comes a great shock to me and quite a hurt. I know that first and foremost, I must ask God for peace, comfort and direction. And that I have been doing. I have been praying constantly because I do not feel that this is the end.
You actually seem to sum up the main issue in the statement that you make about your husband not being sure about his place in the world at this time in his life. Have you expressed your concern over what he's thinking and feeling to him in these words? It's also an obvious statement or advisement to tell you that you should encourage him to seek a pastor's direction, but as the women here before me have said ... It is so important for him to do this before he makes any decision that he won't be able to change. When Ray and I had been married for about 17 yrs. I also heard the statement that he wasn't sure if I was the ONE .... His soul mate. His phrasing was, "I know that I love you, but I'm not sure if I'm really IN love with you." Shock was also my first reaction, although, there was a whole long story that led up to this moment, and it isn't very pretty, and probably too long ... But if you want to hear all of it just let me know ... I'm more than willing to share ... My point being that my shock might have been a little less because I knew things were in turmoil. The first 2 questions I had for him were 1)Define what YOU mean by 'soul mate' 2)What exactly, in your mind, defines the difference between loving me and being IN love with me. It gave him pause, and after some crying and praying, we were both better able to confront what was happening, but not before some more turmoil. We did, eventually, get through this rough time in our relationship with talking and counselling, and we were married almost 28 yrs when God called Ray Home (he was 49). You obviously can't just tell him that what he thinks is the voice and direction of God is just hogwash, or the voice of satan because he will rebel ... he will accuse you of not possibly being able to KNOW for a fact that the voice of God is not actually telling him this ... I don't need to repeat the verses that Dinah used because they are good solid verses to show him, and great advice! No one here can tell you or has any way of knowing whether this is, or could be the end of your marriage ... But ... The 2 of you need to seek Christian marriage counselling together. I wish I could say ... "Hey Karen, don't worry .... I'm sure God will fix everything just the way you want it done!" .... Only by truely seeking God's direction in prayer, and counselling from a Christian source will you be able to find the answer. The most important piece of advice that I could tell you is that you and your husband MUST seek the answers, and work through this time together! You are a married couple, and making a decision as though you were single just isn't a good way to come to a conclusion of any kind!
(You'll have to go to the next post to read my conclusion ... I guess it really is long!)
Last edited by KimSchnizlein on Wed Nov 17, 2010 11:51 am, edited 1 time in total.