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This is my first time on this web site. I am in anguish and my soul is overwhelmed. I have been a Christian since 1989. I love the Lord with all my heart and raised all 6 of my children in the faith. I married an alcoholic almost 24 years ago (I was ignorant of this fact when I married him). We are now reaping what was sown in seeds of my husband's anger, drunkenness, lack of relationship with the children, and my own crazy co-dependency at times. There were countless times I fought depression, hopelessness, and rage against my husband's behavior. I saw what was happening to the children in the way of their lack of a loving father but I was filled with fear...homemaker with no money and nowhere to run. Three of my children are grown. Of the three at home, one is a 16 year old girl who despises her father and is filled with pain that comes out as anger. The boys are 15 year old twins and have become hardened and rebellious. One of them has been in increasing trouble at school and with the law since January of this year. He is on medication for depression and to help him with his violent outbursts. Their father stopped drinking a year ago February and gave his life to the Lord but has since regressed to being a 'dry drunk'. He seems incapable of dealing with these out of control children and he refuses to acknowledge that he plays a huge role in what has happened. I cannot stop his rages. He has become a tyrant in my eyes and our marriage is a shell. I trust the Lord. But I need to talk to someone who has walked this path before with rebellious (not just sometimes unruly) children.

Gina

Your children are in the rebellious teenage period of their life. This is a time when most teens rebel against the norms taught by their parents - even in a normal (? - is there such a thing) family. But from what you have told us, it should not be surprising that your teen-aged children would find this time harder.

You don't mention the three children who have left home .... have they managed to get their lives together? If so, then it would be good to make sure they get the opportunity to spend time with their brothers and sister to help them see there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your whole family sounds as if it needs counseling. I am not being mean, but you seem to have been going round and round in circles, and when this happens then professional help is often needed to give some fresh insight and just to provide sheer support and access to resources.

Does your church family support you? .... and have you discussed this with your Pastor?

in Christ

Dinah

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Dinah,
Thank you for your response. Two of my 3 oldest children are saved and following Christ. The third knew God and was passionate in his faith until he went to college and majored in History and Philosophy. His faith was in tatters by his third year. There is little relationship between the 3 oldest and my 15 year old twin sons but they have interaction with my 16 year old daughter. The older ones are busy building their lives and frankly have little patience for their younger, rebellious brothers. Although they try at times to build relationship the twins are not interested and mainly want to be with their friends.

Robert, the 15 year old who has been spiraling downward since January, went out joyriding 2 nights ago as a passenger in a car his underage friend 'borrowed' from his parents. My son was very drunk when we found him and was causing a disturbance in another neighborhood. The police corraled him, handcuffed, in a squad car for a period of time and issued him a summons to appear in court in August before releasing him to us. I called his probation officer to report this and she has arranged for him to have an ankle bracelet attached tomorrow...he will be on house arrest for 30 days. I am dreading his response when we tell him today what is about to happen. Please pray that he accepts this punishment without running away.

The in-house family counseling the probation officer ordered should begin, hopefully, in a couple of weeks. My church has been very supportive and my senior and associate pastor are involved. The associate pastor has built a mentoring relationship with my husband and continues to reach out to him.

I appreciate your insight and your prayers.
In Christ....
Regina

Gina

my heart grieves with you .... it is a hard, hard time.

How good God is to bless you with two children who follow Christ ... you could point out to them that God expects them to spend some time and effort in evangelizing their brothers .... though I understand how time is so often short in our modern lives. Yet, sometimes we have to look at our priorities and match them up with God's priorities.

For your son who lost his faith .... please try and expose him to Rob Bell's DVD called "Everything is Spiritual" ... it speaks to that generation, and is clever and witty enough to make them think about what their Philosophy professors told them. Another brilliant resource is a book edited by Ravi Zacharias called "Beyond Opinion", as well as one by Tim Keller called "The Reason for God" - again both speaking to that generation. Could be suggestions for your Christian children to give as birthday/Christmas gifts.

I am glad your church supports you .... during a time like this, you need arms to hold you and brothers and sister to pray for you, as there is no easy answer, and you just have to do your best to live through it.

But by God's grace you will live through it .... and God has promised that evil will not have the final word, and He is able to bring good even out of this (even though you may not be able to see this for a long time).

And pray .... something like this surely teaches you to pray, because there is nothing else, and you know only God can help you.

your sister in Christ

Dinah

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