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I want to explain this well and with detail in order to get the best advice, possible. I think it's safe to say that every woman can understand the pain in realizing that your significant other has cheated on you. This is my story. . . I met Jack, when I was 15, he was 24. Naturally nothing happened. We met at my sisters church, she is a Christian and I am a Catholic. I love her church, they are truly on fire for the Lord, and it was such a different experience from Catholic mass. So as the years past, and I began to attended Wednesday nights regularly, I began to form a crush on this charasmatic, perfect guy (Jack). I would catch myself staring at him, and thinking "God if you bless me with a boyfriend like Jack, I would be so happy. You see I was 17 at this point and I had never had a boyfriend, and I was a sucker for love. I believed in true love and in 'happily ever after'. So I prayed to God for a man, a good man. Jack was the church star. Everyone loved Jack, he always smiled, he was polite, dedicated, committed to the Lord, and 'perfect'. So one day he called me out of the blue, that night we talked for hours, and by the end of the conversation I knew this was special. I was so happy, I thanked the Lord so much. This never happens, I mean God has always been good to me, but I got what I had always wanted!!! So at this time I was 18 going on 19 and he was 27. We began to date, and my parents are very strict, so we had limited time together. The relationship moved very fast. Talks of love and marriage were being had 2 weeks into it. Then we fell, I had never been intimate with anyone, but I loved him and at the time it felt right. We knew it was wrong and fought to do what was right from then on. Jack and began to have problems, I found a text in his phone which said "hey hot stuff can't wait to boogie with you tonight" and he claimed it was just a friend, and I believed him, "how could Jack cheat? no no he couldn't". Later on I found a semi-dirty magazine under his bed, and we constantly fought. He attempted to break up with me 4 times, but I cried and begged him not to leave me. I loved him, I gave myself to him, this was my price charming, the man I prayed for, I couldn't let him go. He was so mean too. Every time he made me cry, he would become enraged and say "you make yourself cry, you do this to yourself". He was just mean. After his last attempt to end things, it got better, a lot better. He fell in love with me. . .and I could tell. Then one day, after only a year and 4 months together, we went to a church picnic, and he left his phone with me. The trust had been tried before, so I checked. I found a text to a woman saying "Wrap your legs around me, you distract me at work". This was him speaking to her!! I could not believe it!! I left, I had a friend pick me up, and I left. I didnt answer his phone calls. The first voicemails he left were mean, then he realized what was going on and began to cry and beg and call and call. Finally at mid night I answered, he sobbed and said that he never "touched, when out with, or kissed" anyone, and that he loves me. blah blah blah, point is I loved him too. So he promised it would never happen again. I felt fine the first week, he was committed, but now its back to normal. Ive been depressed for a month, and I don't know If i want to do this anymore. I need good, christian advice?

This sounds just like my step-son you are describing and his first marriage was a train wreck because he is the same way your boy friend is and now he is to get married again in three weeks and the girl he is marring has caught him two times now, but he to said he was doing nothing wrong and we told her if you go through with this wedding you are crazy for doing so, so ask yourself is it truly Gods timing or is it yours you have your whole life in front of you don't make a decision that you will regret especially you make a slip up and have a child, my daughter is paying that high price right now because she to thought she had meet her prince charming to and now she is a single mother raising a child on her on..Be patient and wait I dated my wife for three years before we decided to get married..Bottom line is unless your boyfriend is going to be true to you and change I would wait or you are going to make your life miserable to..

I really sense your heartache here. I'll be praying for you.

Please please learn from this and move on. Even if you too have a future, it will always be marred by your memories of the painful episodes like this.

Do things for yourself right now. Grow closer to God. When you do meet someone else, don't let yourself fall quick and hard for him, no matter how perfect he may seem. Pray, and take your time getting to know him, as friends. It would be best to do only group-type activities, also.

Have you ever read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? It is a really good book.

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Deuteronomy 30:19

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.

JoAnne's Prayer Closet

sweetheart! -- it sounds like you have unresolved personal issues going back several years that need to be addressed -- there seems to be some confusion between infatuation and love -- all your responses to date show a lack of maturity -- i can't help but feel that (in many respects) you have been taken advantage of -- my advice --i think what you really need is good christian counselling

when life gets rough and you don't feel tough
when things don't go as they should
when you heave a sigh and want to cry
remember -- all things work together for good!

have you considered that the "unfaithfulness" you are experiencing in your relationship is mirrored in your relationship with God -- perhaps this should be addressed first

take care
]V[ordecai

kdeloza,

Forgive me for sticking my nose into the "Women's only" forum, but, first of all, dump that guy LAST WEEK. Ignore his phone calls, voicemails, text messages, cries and pleadings. Dump him. He is out to use you. He is interested in you for his own personal gratification. In the event that you are fooled into marrying him, how long do you think it will be before he has been unfaithful to you? There is no indication he has been faithful to you before marriage, either in thought or in body. Don't think he will change after you are married.

Second, and more importantly, you need to seek God and not a man. You fell into sin with this man because you were more interested in him than in having a relationship with God. Let's not sugarcoat it. But, you know what? You are in the same boat as everyone else who visits this forum. Because we are all sinners. But the good news is, Jesus died on the cross to save sinners. If you will put your trust in Him and His death on the cross for your sins, He will forgive you and give eternal life to you.

A couple of months ago I had an exchange with a man in a similar position as yours. Here is the link: viewtopic.php?f=64&t=10060 What I told him applies to you as well.

Regards.

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All Scripture quotations are New American Standard Bible, unless otherwise indicated.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I know that I need to get closer to God, and that if I put him as number 1 in my life, then if things do go wrong, Ill always have him to fall back on. I love God, and I have been praying that he help me with this cross, the only reason I haven't ended the relationship wit Jack is because I felt called to not be too hasty and pray about it first, and because it is really hard. Once, again this is really hard. I just feel so disappointed, a "christian" man cheated on me, what hope is there our there for me? Everyone I know has been cheated on or has cheated, I just thought he would be different because he claimed and has in someways proven to love the Lord. I am going to continue to pray, and on Wednesday night, I want to talk to someone and get some more advice. Thank you so much out there for your advice, especially the men who "snooped" into the women's only blog, it means a lot coming from you guy's.

My sister

you have been given good advice, just a couple of things ...

Please do go and get Christian counseling, it will help you to sort out your emotions, and put things in order so that you can make a rational decision. Also a Christian counselor will pray with you, and help you to bring the matter before God in a safe place.

Never forget, in our fallen world not all who call themselves Christian are in fact Christian. The best way to sort out those who are not serious is by their behavior. This man has certainly not treated you well, and until he sorts himself out with God, it is not likely that he will treat you any better in future.

That is where time comes in .... a godly man who is looking for a wife will treat you with respect, and will take all the time necessary to discover if you are right for each other.

If your ex-boyfriend says he has changed, then time will prove it (or not), don't let him hurry you into anything.

Another worrying thing from your post is the reference to "meanness' .... and the way he said it was your fault ..... these are the classic early symptoms of abuse ..... don't ever go there!

Pray .... God loves you and wants the best for you ..... but pray for God's will, and not necessarily for what you want, as we don't always know what is best for us .... and trust Him.

Don't go out on dates for a while, go out as a group, it is much safer that way and lets you make friends of both sexes.

in Christ

Dinah

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Forum Code of Conduct
Forum Statement of Beliefs

I heard this saying a long time ago, it it's simple profoundness always amazes me.

Women marry men hoping they change and
Men marry women hoping they won't.

You will marry this man, hoping he becomes what you want, need and deserve and he is going to marry you hoping things go along just as they have been.

Please ask yourself if what you have right now is what you want for the rest of your life. I do not think it is.

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Peggy
http://godthrume.com/

Forgive me for saying this but what you really need to ask yourself is if he is really a Christian. If he is, I seriously doubt that he will take advantage of you. I know it's easy to say to just dump him but it's the only way to get rid yourself of unwanted pain. Don't lose hope, God is enough.

A born-again believer should only date other born-again believers. Having said that -- just because a guy/gal Is a Christian Doesn't mean they above acting like jerks.